Hey folks – no, I haven’t destroyed social media accounts but I am leaving them for now. What I am doing is changing the constant suffering and negativity that my life issues as well as my outrage at the passivity of people, nations, organizations and oh just say about everyone to acknowledge we are in a time of great distress and no one “out there” is going to save us have been causing. Social media is not helping, at least not me.
People are. Friends are. Social Media? Not of itself.
I am no longer interested in the Web as a platform for humanity in the form it is. It is now just another tool and I will no longer fight for that which did not fight for me.
No more one way streets in my life.
That said, I do not wish to, from this point forward, ever be seen as a source of information or perspective for anyone. For that reason, I am not going to be posting on social media for at least a duration of 3 months if not longer. I will, however, continue to be open to any and all visitors who would like to come to my pad and hang out – that would be on my blog, http://molly.com/ which I left when I became Social Network-ized like everyone else. I abandoned long form, and it worked really well for a really long time.
Now, life is changed for me, I’m changed, you’re changed, and so is our Web and the world. No matter your policy positions, change is factual, measurable, empirical physical law and that alone cannot be challenged.
Thank you for listening for years of both the good and the bad. Thank you for being there or not, for loving me, for not loving me, for welcoming me, for abandoning me, for every single thing you did or did not do for who I am today is all a part of that and I like her.
I finally like who I am once I take the yoke of feeling responsible for the shit in this world off my neck for a change! I see our world’s so-called leaders far sicker than any sick I could ever come up with on my own. There’s something comfortingly odd knowing that people far more “successful” than I economically or in terms of notability for work than I could ever even imagine being at my most destructive.
These are largely heinous people with a lot of power playing with humanity as if we didn’t have individuality or purpose. Me? Not heinous. A tough life, a desire to do good, to fix the unfixable and to more than anything be loved and liked and wanted because I was not particularly given those messages in the long majority of my personal life. Some friendships, early days of the Web when we were younger, especially pre 9/11.
That attack was also a demarcation point where my own mental health declined. A significant amount of hope I’d left for humanity in 2001 and in that I include the intrusion of the U.S. into regions of the world where we simply do not belong yet appointed ourselves the world’s military force.
Then bad romantic choices and a growing reliance on alcohol (which was never in my playbook, and will never be again) turned into such a sad and long downfall I am ashamed of myself for not stopping that behavior despite knowing that all the while I was trying to annihilate so much emotional and physical pain I just made everything worse.
Nevertheless, I am still here, and I healed those wounds enough to where I ultimately married my wonderful husband where I found protection and complete love NO MATTER WHAT (one of our “mottos”) – Even in our less than 2 year marriage before he passed (long friendship 30 years!) I was made me a far better person because he was a truly great human being, the best I have ever, ever known.
There, I got more lucky than anyone I know. Who gets that? Even when short, even when so sad toward the end, the end was not sad at all, but perhaps the culmination of our 30 years of love as I had to grow to become open to that level of human self-sacrifice and transcendent grace. Who better than a man who both took life and saved it to teach a lesson like that to a stubborn minded girl like me? They say nice guys finish last. He got the girl he knew I was that I didn’t know I was and I learned who I really am. THAT is pretty awesome, huh? There is so much grief in its ending, yet I have great joy knowing there are happy endings in this life.
Negative though I might have been, bitter, angry, self-destructive and miserable, every single one of those issues was justifiable and very bad shit did go down that is not down to me. I’m over here taking my responsibility and part of that is stepping out of the role of any persona of leadership. The rest I leave to those individuals to manage and work out, but I will say this much: If you are reading this and you dislike or disrespect my humanity, stop following, please! It’s not fair to me or you.
So, I will be closing all social media accounts related to my professional life before for at least 3 months. If you’d like to drop in for a chat, c’mon by my domain. There’s virtual coffee, tea and my girl next door works at Crispy Creme – one at a Las Vegas upscale strip hotel eatery – where they throw out more donuts a day than she can bring home to feed our neighborhood’s many homeless. So we’ll sweeten the virtual buffet up a bit.
My world is now far more about living life with people than for ideals. This is a joy, and where I am supposed to be. Oh, the relief I have felt in the last days being offline! As those horrible hours, months years of dark in myself, in your lives, in this world played out I naturally reflected that. That’s what empathy is, and I am deeply empathetic. In fact, I don’t know how NOT to internalize pain and passion for people, ideas and love nor do I care to learn how to stop feeling as deeply as I do.
And yes without question, I do get very scary when that processing gets dark – and it is external with me – and that’s rough for others to manage and it is not nor should ever be placed on you. So yes, I didn’t believe the power of my own words or “influence” but that, as so astutely albeit uneasy way that came to me, is not a reason to toss my attitudes to audiences that associated my name with public influence. That IS on me, and this is me taking responsibility for exactly that mis-step.
This way, sympathetic people can engage without it upsetting anyone, empathetic folks can come to Mols on their own terms, and I am not seen as a “voice” or a “persona” much less anything more than exactly what I am which is a human being.
I welcome your thoughts, as always, and hope you will stop by and see me at “my place” on the World Wide Web, where “open” was a dream I had for a platform that didn’t manifest, but is not a reason for me to become closed. It does mean a shift in role, accountability and for whom I speak.
I speak for myself.
Only for myself.
For few or none speak up for me, except TO me. Not the same. At all. Although I appreciate both very much when someone does. The force and passion of my nature does bely my fragility both physically and emotionally and if that’s controllable or changeable, I have not yet found the way to do it successfully and make myself less sensitive to the pain of others, the importance of visions and ideas, the ethical aspect of my nature that refuses to rest and must question every act iteratively sometimes for decades, sometimes for mere seconds, until a solution emerges that I can identify and work with.
I will speak with others, and I will help others speak, but I will not speak for any company, organization or group as a leader or thinker or innovator or creator of anything but that which is of me and not distracted or disrupted by the dissonance of the Social Media world.
I didn’t set out to do these things. I did them because the idea of a global network that is accessible, affordable/free and transcendent of corporate and governmental ownership is a dream I will always believe in as being a necessary part of human evolution and not devolution.
In the word’s of one of my current heroes the fearless, angry, possibly over-the-edge (and I like it) and very, very funny Keith Olbermann: