A penny is a penny but a boot is a trunk
a fag is a cigarette unless you want a hump
Some girls shave the minge, others keep it rough
as long as we all get on, you know we’ll all get off

Positively brilliant, absolutely duff!
My pants around my ankles is entirely different stuff

Because a penny is a penny
but a boot is a trunk
a drunk is a pisser
and a pisser is a drunk.

I was sat on a train thinking who to blame
for the hammer on my grammar which is now oh so lame
It’s the British I believe, that have twisted my tongue
Not that they’d care, lest Arsenal has won

Because my panties are now pants, but my fanny ain’t my butt
It’s the British who seduced me into this rut

It’s the British I blame, for twisting my tongue
for making my fanny no longer my bum.

Because a penny is a penny
but a boot is a trunk
a drunk is a pisser
and a pisser is a drunk.

A drunk’s still a pisser
and he’s pissing on a drunk
a fag is a cigarette unless you want a hump
some lasses shave the minge, others keep it rough

as long as we all get on, you know we’ll all get off.