Monthly Archives: November 2011

I Dream Of Rooms

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I’ve been having this dream for at least a year. Probably more, but it is now extremely vivid. As best I can tell, I’m dreaming this dream almost daily/nightly:

The environment changes from my home to bombed-out housing. It looks like projects – council flats – one after another in a geometric form. Everything has angles. Once in a while, there’s an old man or woman who asks me in and makes me tea. Despite their poverty, their homes have dignity.

Out of nothing is a Palace. The tea makes me feel strong, but I still pick my teeth out one at a time and leave them near the sink. I wash them off and line them up, but do not count them. My teeth.

None of this matters! There was a house. It had all of our friends. It was a nice house. I slept there, with you. I lined my teeth up by the sink. You were shouting at me about the bad man at Denny’s.

I still wake up, fingers in my mouth, counting my teeth

Counting.

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Happy Tryptophania Day!

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chemical drawing of tryptophan molecule

Some folks think it’s Black Friday, that day where masses of people stand in long lines and crush each other with complete disregard to insult or injury. (Where’s the pepper spray when you really need it?)

Over at my place, however, another – far more peaceful kind of crushing occurs. It’s called “Tryptophania,” defined here according to the Dictionary de Molly:

Tryptophania (n) Biochemistry. A syndrome related to the overdose of C 8 H 6 NCH 2 CH(NH 2)COOH (see illustration above). Usually occurs around holidays involving large amounts of turkey, milk or other Tryptophan-rich products, such as Thanksgiving in the United States.

The syndrome is typically prolonged due to enduring consumption of turkey sandwiches, turkey soup, turkey chili, turkey enchiladas, BBQ turkey and just about anything you have in the house made with turkey.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I prefer Tryptophania to Black Days any day. And if I really want to do anything today other than lie about like a beached whale on the couch, I’ll waddle over to my neighbor’s where we’ll share turkey sandwiches and a glass of milk.

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As Long As We All Get Off

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A penny is a penny but a boot is a trunk
a fag is a cigarette unless you want a hump
Some girls shave the minge, others keep it rough
as long as we all get on, you know we’ll all get off

Positively brilliant, absolutely duff!
My pants around my ankles is entirely different stuff

Because a penny is a penny
but a boot is a trunk
a drunk is a pisser
and a pisser is a drunk.

I was sat on a train thinking who to blame
for the hammer on my grammar which is now oh so lame
It’s the British I believe, that have twisted my tongue
Not that they’d care, lest Arsenal has won

Because my panties are now pants, but my fanny ain’t my butt
It’s the British who seduced me into this rut

It’s the British I blame, for twisting my tongue
for making my fanny no longer my bum.

Because a penny is a penny
but a boot is a trunk
a drunk is a pisser
and a pisser is a drunk.

A drunk’s still a pisser
and he’s pissing on a drunk
a fag is a cigarette unless you want a hump
some lasses shave the minge, others keep it rough

as long as we all get on, you know we’ll all get off.

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