molly.com
Friday 15 August 2008
The Frightening Reality of Who You Are
I will never understand why people think I’m “Too Intense.”
What’s that about?
I live and walk through this world, and there are two responses always:
1). Go Away
or
2) Talk to ME!
I have this thing where I want to be hospitable to everyone
And yes, I prefer talking to real people. I always learn something that I hope makes me a better person.
Including the frightening reality of who you are, whoever you are.
Filed under: community, creativity, cults of personality, faith(less), humor
Posted by: Molly | 05:02 | Comments (37)
There are a few people whom I have run across whose minds I wish I could tap. Yours is one of them.
The frightening reality is those people who believe that such a thing can be done via digital communication and then act upon it.
“I prefer talking to real people”.
Nah. Fake people are much better!
Hear hear!
When I met you at the Webmaster Jam Session last year, I was nervous to introduce myself (introverts ftw!), but didn’t feel like you were too intense or unapproachable.
You’re wonderful.
Very binary. Two responses are what you see… one through each eye? We are fight or flight people. The adrenals. Prisoner of a human chemical stew. You are more civilized than us Molly, have evolved to either coffeeklatch or flight. So, you work on the flight girl. When the response is Go Away!, you pull them over with powerful high tech magnet and they talk to you or else remain stuck to magnet.
I’ve never had the chance to meet you in person, I’ve only seen you via video on the web and through your blog and books, and I don’t find you too intense.
I agree with thacker though, I’d love to tap that brain of yours… intense or not.
I’d also like to think your cat Honey would be great friends with my cats Jasper and Amelia, just like I think you and I would be good friends… although I don’t think we;d have to play with catnip loaded toys to get along.
There’s nothing wrong about being (too) intense. People who just float through life are nothing but annoying. You know the type, people who are too cool to care. They make my blood levels go through the roof.
What is real?
Well, don’t confuse intensity with passion. An intense person is someone who has a lot of misdirected, unfocused energy. A passionate person the opposite, and someone who is really living life for a purpose.
I think we exchanged about thirty words in over a dozen hours at ALA NOLA, but I don’t think you’re too intense or too passionate.
But definitely passionate. Thanks again for dinner.
=)
It is, I often think, somewhat startling to find that others don’t agree with the our perception of ourselves. But our biggest strength is not caring what others think of us; we have to live our own lives. If someone wants to influence how we live, fine – but if they start to dictate such…
(Sorry, I’m watching “Long Way Down”, and Ewan McGregor & Charley Boorman are having a battle with a sandstorm. I can definitely relate to their experience – I drove through one in Death Valley. And setup camp in one. Those few hours were a ride and a half.)
Carolyn Ann
Sometimes the answer one is looking for is not framed by the question asked. The initial posit precludes us from seeing the answer we seek since we continue to look for a confirmation in the same space-place.
We, all of us, are disingenuous creatures and wisdom eludes us more often than not. As a thought provoker, and nothing more,Carolyn Ann, have you ever questioned your perception of the “other”?
I suppose my greatest “strength” is trying to understand my weaknesses. My personal path has been strewn with stones; all too often I have mistaken them for pretty pebbles…
I did once upon a time, Dave. These days I’m less concerned with the “other”; it’s simply too difficult to try and live the way others want me to.
But I have a feeling I missed your point! It’s way too early for me, and I’ve not had any coffee. So my brain is basically still upstairs, snoring while my body goes through the motions of feeding felines and tapping out meaningless gibberish that I probably shouldn’t be writing…
Carolyn Ann
Molly, I think some folks see “intense” as “intimidating” — especially when they see it in a woman. People will either get over it or they won’t.
I used to get that a lot, especially from my mother. “You’re TOO INTENSE!” Admittedly, I’m pretty bitingly honest, and I tend to see right through people, even if they’re on the other end of a computer screen. It used to bother me, then I concluded it was their problem. We are who we are. Some people are just -really- alive and Real, and that’s probably frightening to people who don’t live that way. Although I think anyone who “dares” to get close enough to experience would do an about face on their opinion in the end.
I’ve always felt it’s partly how we’re raised, and partly how much we let society influence ourselves.
For instance, we could pass each other one day and I could recognize you. Either I could stop and say “hello” or not – generally in public we’re tunnel visioned, going point-a to point-B with no consideration about who we’re passing.
Of course, after the hello, it’s either a courteous “hello” back or taking the next step and striking a conversation.
But in order for me to have that conversation, I need to be as vocal in person as I am when I write…
Intimidating… it’s all in the mind. I don’t let anything or anyone intimidate me. I may get caught in the awe of some people or places (like AEA Boston) but I don’t let anything intimidate me.
Intense, that I can be. because I call it “ferocious passion”.
hmm – Mols – do you often talk to unreal people?
Most people I talk to are unreal, Claire
Interesting thread in here re “the other” – a concept I have long struggled with.
You are all so supportive and I’m lucky to have such a variety of people out there who remind me that as awkward as I think I am in this world, maybe I do okay.
“You’re too intense”. Well hold on, you can’t stop in the middle of a sentence. Too intense for what? For whom? There are two sides in play here. If it’s “you’re too intense for me”, well, stop focussing on me and start thinking of youself here. What you’re actually saying is something like “*I’m* too sensitive/insecure/gutless for *you*”. And that’s OK, provided we both understand that we’re not a match and it’s because of *both of us*.
Well, for what it’s worth, Molly, the two times I’ve been in meetings with you, your presence has been a little intimidating, but that’s because I’m a British male which means I can’t cope with girls who are a million times more intelligent and better at their (and mine) profession, than me. But that’s my problem, not yours. Once I’d gotten over my issues, I found you to be really pretty fab.
@ask: I love your comment. May be one of the best Molly.Com Comments ever.
and, you know, thanks.
I am often told I am too intense but find I get along easier with other intense people. I know some people think I’m too intense because we deal with things differently. So much of it is varying levels of energy. Do you ever wonder what it would be like to meet someone exactly like yourself?
-njppa
Molly: Because you’re approachable and chatty you are hardly frightening at all! I didn’t have any trouble with that even while being a British Male!
*a head-nod to Ask’s comment*
I saw you and talked to you on @Media 2006, I really wish you had been that intense with me, girl.
I was too shy to say anything else than some silly thing about CSS and internationalisation, gee, I couldn’t care less if we were serving the Dutch with German content and vice-versa.
Should I have been the intense one? Perhaps if I were as intense to you as some people say you are to them I would have a chance with you and in all that intensity you wouldn’t even care I am married with two kids.
x Secret Admirer
hmm.. interesting
thanks
interesting
ou get punch-drunk from hurricanes. Every. Single. Year. And worse yet, so do your employers and fellow workers. Those who see you box up and head out of town resent you for leaving, especially if turns out that the storm misses you and you therefore got a week’s “vacation” in their minds and they got stuck left cleaning up the mess.
When I met you at the Webmaster Jam Session last year, I was nervous to introduce myself (introverts ftw!), but didn’t feel like you were too intense or unapproachable.