molly.com
Saturday 25 November 2006
Memorable Air Lines
It’s a busy travel season in the U.S. as we celebrate the Thankgsiving holiday weekend.
Heard on an airplane yesterday as the flight attendent was giving the safety talk:
“And if you find you don’t like our inflight service, we have six exits: Two located toward the front, two overwing, and two at the back of the aircraft.”
I found this, especially the droll way she delivered the line, absolutely brilliant.
Heard any good airline comments lately? Got a great travel story? We folks who have been stressed-out by family, traffic, and general holiday “cheer” could use a few extra laughs right now.
Filed under: humor, society, travel
Posted by: Molly | 22:37 | Comments (45)
LOL. There should be more of ‘em
here is one I found.
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain’s next announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side.”
After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain’s request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an announcement, “Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane… “Thank You For Flying Lufthansa.”
On a recent Ryanair flight to Dublin, there was an announcement informing me that if I bought a bottle of wine on the flight I could get another one “free — completely free — for five euro.”
I had to ask another passenger if I’d actually just heard that.
On a flight I was on, after landing and taxiing to the gate:
“Ladies and Genlemen, it is now permitted to use mobile phones, so you can ring your loved one”. Slight pause. “Or your wife.”
Virgin Blue Flight (Aussie Domestic) totally deadpan cheery flight attendant “…Smoking on this aircraft is an Australian federal offense, as such there is no smoking in the cabin or toilets. Smoking outside the aircraft, while in motion is permitted. Please note the toilets have been fitted with smoke detectors and hidden cameras, pictures of offenders will be distributed freely…”
on the air sickness bags of HLX in Germany, it writes: “thank you for your criticism”. I think it’s just brilliant
“It’s late, I’m tired. So if you want something and the plane isn’t shaking, come on up and ask me for it. Don’t push my button tonight.”
This was on a puddle jumper between Chicago and Bloomington, IL. It was the last flight of the night and there were about 15 or so people. No one complained. I think because she said it with such authority and sounded nice at the same time. I appreciated the honesty. I mean, what do you really need when you are in the air for only 26 minutes…
A small, uncontrollable child was causing problems on a flight – running around, screaming, licking other passengers food, etc.
The parents were just letting this little monster run wild.
One of the flight attendants knelt down to the child and was heard to say:
“Hello little boy, would you like to play outside for a while?”
Virgin Blue are often good for a laugh, especially on the last flight of the night. Introducing the cabin staff by their nicknames was a good one – although I spent the rest of the flight trying not to laugh whenever “tricky ricky” helped us out
I can’t remember if it was Virgin or Qantas (pretty sure it was Qantas), but we had a really rough landing one time – big crosswind, the plane landed with a bang then lurched around all out of shape. While we’re taxiing in everyone is looking a bit shocked, then the captain turns on the microphone… “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just dropped into Brisbane.” *big laugh in the cabin* “…when opening the overhead lockers please be extra careful since we have no doubt at all that your belongings have moved around during the flight.” *more laughs*
Defused the situation completely, I was quite impressed actually.
There is good one on 37s blog: http://www.37signals.com/svn/archives2/the_filter_week_of_april_21.php (look for Bob Aman).
During an in-flight announcement on a flight a few years ago, the captain was heard to say; “Please be reminded that it is an offence to smoke in the toilets or tamper with smoke detectors. Anybody caught smoking during the flight will be asked to leave!”
We were returning back to the states from Roatan Honduras and the flight was exceptionally bumpy. While we were landing the crew gave their usual spiel, but then added “and please be careful when opening the overhead compartments. Remember — shift happens.” A comment made all the more funny when one of the passengers opened a bin and a bag fell on him. He paused half a second and then grumbled “Shift.”
Thomas Cook flight from London to Malaga.
“Please swich off mobile phones, (even if they have the flight mode function), PDAs , PSPs or Nintendo DS or any other device that may have Wifi capabilites as this may interfere with the operation of the plane. For our less hi-tech customers you turn off the fans above you if you want.”
If you fly a lot you should check out a new website that I had a small hand in making that launched this week – http://www.atlarge.com – It helps you get connected if you want to go online or make calls at the airport.
Speaking of airports when you coming home (to your 2nd home – London) Molly? I know you told me January sometime but you didn’t sound certain (I’ll put a bottle of champers on ice just in case).
After pushing back from the gate on a Frontier Airlines flight from Denver to Phoenix came this:
“and if your travel plans today do not include Phoenix, they do now!”
After a very rough last 30 minutes in the air into Albuquerque, and an approach and landing so shaky that it felt like the plane was going to crumble apart around us, the Southwest Airlines flight attendant shouted through the microphone:
“YAAAHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
WWWHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAA NELLLLLLLLYYYYY!!!!!”
My nerves were finally calm after a good belly laugh…
LOL Dave, you made me feel stupid – I loaded your site in new tab, and when I looked at it a few minutes later the animated ad just happened to be showing the form – and of course I tried to select stuff from the drop down lists … until it changed frame
-> Nathanael
hehe – I’ll have to get a useability expert to check that out. Can’t have people wondering why our forms don’t work because of the animated demo
=DL=
[...] Molly’s post: Memorable Air Lines reminds me of the joys of flying. I know I’ve been on flights were similar things were announced by the pilot or flight attendants but I can’t remember any of them specifically. [...]
There’s a funny listing of airline humor here:
http://gosw.about.com/od/resortsandtours/a/swjokes.htm
Does the fact that the departure and arrival building is called a “Terminal” make any nervous fliers out there wish they could have chosen something a little less death-related? And how about being instructed to get “on” the plane? Is it okay with you if I get IN it? Just wondering…..
On a JetBlue flight I was returning to my seat after visiting the toilet and the flight attendant who was collecting trash down the aisle turned around handed me the bag of trash and said, “thank you for helping, you are such a dear” and then he sat down in a seat. After a second he looked up and asked if he could have a blanket then looked confused and asked “what?”.
When flying on Greyhound/Westjet in Canada, i’ve heard:
- [during the saftey demonstration] For anyone who hasn’t been in an automobile since 1950, this is a seatbelt.
- [during the saftey deomonstration, when discussing the O2 masks] For those of you travelling with small children or anyone acting like a small child, please put on your own mask first…
- [after landing, taxiing to the terminal] Ladies and Gentlemen, the captain will be backing up to the terminal this afternoon; please stay in your seats until we come to a complete stop so that he can use the rear-view mirror.
Hi Molly;
I check your blog daily and no posts since November 25th. Hope you are OK and… may the force be with you!
That is a great line. I cam just imagine the lawsuit if someone actually took her up on the offer to de-plane at 20,000 feet.
Kulula is an airline in South Africa – this blog posting is of an email that was doing the rounds with some of their in-flight announcements:
http://graymonk.mu.nu/archives/2006/11/not_for_the_fai_1.html
I love it!! There should be more flight attendants like that. Makes travel much more relaxing.
On a United Airlines flight from Washington, D.C. to Denver (obviously not going over much in the way of oceans and such) the flight attendant started the mandatory introduction to the life vest with the phrase “In the highly unlikely event that today’s flight should turn into a cruise…”
An airline’s passenger cabin was being served by an
obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone
in a good mood as he served them food and drinks.
As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisleand announced to the passengers, “Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he’ll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super.”
On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed
rather exotic looking woman hadn’t moved a muscle. “Perhaps
you didn’t hear me over those big brute engines. I asked
you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat
us on the ground.”
She calmly turned her head and said, “In my country, I am
called a Princess. I take orders from no one.”
To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a
beat, “Well, sweet-cheeks, in my country, I’m called a
Queen, so I out rank you. Tray-up, Bitch.”
Read this, didn’t hear it:
“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of us here at US Airways.”
Nice storys – that’s life!
yep… thats life. At July 15th I will fly to Heathrow Airport, I’ll have my eyes open!
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