molly.com
Thursday 25 May 2006
Of Best Friends
Seventeen and a half years ago I met a tiny kitten with a huge personality. She demanded that I take her home. So she moved in that day, rearranged the furniture, and became mistress kitty of what was once my place within a few hours.
To this day Tara sits in my desk chair, looking hard at work when I’m not. She’s got her routine and her spots picked out. She knows exactly the spot where the sun shines warmest, loves the perch where she can look out on the pigeons and say rude things to them. Tara is sure to commandeer the couch or the bed or wherever it is that the humans might like to be.
Tara is a tiny cat, but she’s got mighty attitude.
My brother Linus says:
She is feisty and spirited and tenacious as hell, and nothing less would do for a cat of yours.
In January of 2005, I cancelled a trip to visit Opera Software in Oslo, Norway, where I’d been invited to discuss going to work for Opera. Tara had become suddenly ill, and was hospitalized. I made the decision to not leave her, and the good folks at Opera were really understanding. However, certain friends and other colleagues made remarks to the effect that I had to be crazy to stay home from such an exciting opportunity to take care of a cat.
Diagnosed with Chronic Renal Failure (CRF), a very common disease in older cats and certain breeds, she was treated and sent home with prescription diet. She has done fantastic! No vet expected her to stay that healthy for that long. Of course, I know there’s a lot of strength in that cat. You should see her. Even diagnosed with a progressive and fatal disease, if she misses a step she just goes back ’til she gets it right.
I wish I had that kind of tenacity.
I’m writing today because the inevitable is happening, and that’s that Tara’s health has taken a signficiant downturn. She just spent three days in the hospital receiving fluids and antibiotics, and her kidneys have reached a point where, without regular treatment, they cannot sustain life.
She’s home now and it’s good to have her here. She hates the hospital so much, mostly because of (don’t say it too loudly) all the D O G S.
I have to give her an infusion of fluids via an 18 gauge needle every day. This keeps fluids moving through her kidneys so she doesn’t feel ill or have any pain (except for the injection part). Not only has she survived but she’s gaining weight and doing quite well all things considered.
Tara might weigh a mere 4 pounds, but she’s got the strongest will of any creature, human or not human, that I have ever met.
Me, I’m not so strong-willed. I’m hurting. A lot. I stayed home from work and friends to be with her, knowing that these days will probably be her last. I chose to stay behind to be with her because I feel I owe it to her for her years of loyalty and greatness.
I stayed home because I love her.
My brother Morris writes:
Only those who have loved and lived with a pet could begin to comprehend what you are going through, even then of course each relationship and experience is unique. From what I have learned of life so far our animal friends provide and share a very deep and pure bond that is much more profound and important than people might presume. The challenges and emotions of watching a loved pet come to the end of her life are no less than of a human companion in my belief.
I was raised to believe, and I firmly do believe, that when we take a pet home, we are responsible for that pet for its lifetime. Even if we find we can no longer care for our animals, we find someone who can. This is a responsibility, an obligation, and ultimately an honor. Because, if you’re good to your non-human pals, they will, as Tara has done for me for so very long, provide you with the most loyal and fulfilling relationships you’ll ever have.
Filed under: faith(less)
Posted by: Molly | 17:31 | Comments (67)
You have my deepest sympathy. This is never easy to go through. My family’s 14-year-old German shepherd passed away in 2004 after a long, good life (that breed rarely live past 10 years), and we still miss her from time to time. We ultimately had to put her to sleep due to her suffering, which is a really hard thing to do, but sometimes the right thing to do.
While it’s little solace, remember that animals don’t feel the same way about death as we do. It seems they are a lot more accepting of it, and while that can’t take away our pain when we lose them, it can comfort us a little bit.
Stay strong, enjoy the time you have with Tara–you obviously are–and be pleased in knowing she’s lived a wonderful life with you.
Molly, it is good to hear that Tara has such a loving and caring provider.
It is a terrible shame that many think of pets as just property. There is a moral duty of care and thankfully (in many countries) a legal one as well.
We have two little rescue dogs (Jinni and Mr Spigot) adopted from the RSPCA.
We think Mr Spigot was a Christmas present that didn’t ‘work out right’. He was dumped.
Jinni is what they call a “black tag” dog. Her previous owner was taken to court for abuse and she was put up for adoption. My wife and I were interviewed and our yard checked before we were allowed to take her home. The RSPCA are people that care–they ‘get it’.
Recently Mr Spigot took ill with a serious intestinal complaint. My wife stayed home to monitor him. Her manager was offended that she would put a dog above her work and had her pay docked (despite her having enough leave). This person obviously doesn’t ‘get it’.
It comes down to empathy.
Tara is lucky to have you, take all the time you need with her. Your friends will understand and work is… well, work.
To repeat Gavin’s sentiment, Tara’s blessed to have a guardian like you. My family was in a similar situation when our eldest cat was diagnosed with CRF. My parents, in particular, were attached to her, and volunteered to put her in a clinical trial for (if I remember correctly) Norvasc, which helped her; she died in February of ‘04. It was sudden, and was particularly painful as the first major loss in my life.
This is going to sound cliche and inarticulate, but I deeply sympathize. I remember my mother told me to consider every day we had when Tigerlily was alive to be a blessing; treasure each moment (not that you haven’t already) that you have with Tara, and remember that she’ll be in a better place.
Molly, I’m so sorry to hear about Tara’s health. She’s a lucky cat to have such a wonderful and caring owner. I have four older cats of my own and to this day I don’t know how I’ll handle what your going through right now when the time comes. As the previous posters already mentioned spend as much time as you can with her..your friends will be there when you need them and work will pick up where you left off when your ready.
Molly, The previous posters have said it all, but I had to chime in anyway. Tara is lucky to have you and you know how lucky you have been to have her in your life. I avoided having a pet for years after the death of my dog Tiny but life just wasn’t as rich without a pet in my life. Five years ago I brought home a scrawny, long-haired kitty and life has been so much better ever since. Grace is such a joy. Enjoy what time you have left with Tara. Cherish every minute. Our animal friends know when they are loved, and give such unconditional love in return. You and Tara are in my prayers.
Ditto, ditto, ditto…
Enjoy the time you have together…
Anyone who says, “It’s just a pet,” lacks a large gear and cog in their brain.
A friend recently told me about the death of a dog last year he and his wife adopted when the dog was quite old and already a bit infirm. A nice fellow, and good to them as they were to it. He started crying, and said, he hadn’t been able to tell the story because he didn’t think anyone else knew the dog as well as I and another friend who were with him.
I know what it is to go through this, in fact it brings me to tears just thinking about it. I went through it last year with my old cat – Bolle. We decided to put her out of her misery. She died in my wife’s lap, me right by her side with her paw on my hand. I have never cried that much before or since. Not even for my Grandma or my Dad when they died.
I am crying now…
My thoughts are with you Molly
I know how it feels to watch a much loved pet slip away, and there is very little you can do.
My thoughts are with you.
Our thoughts and sympathy go out to you Molly. We lost our rescue cat Homer to CRF in October He’s now out in our field where he can still enjoy the sun and watch the birds, but there’s still a Homer-shaped hole in our home.
A similar thing happened to me a while back. My cat Alfie got hit by a car, went missing for days, then turned up (must have took courage to leap over the wall) at our back door, leg entirely stripped of skin and broken. After trailing blood all over the carpet, we rushed him off to the vet – Where we were given the choice: Did we want to put him down?
The vet’s advice at the time, was to give him a chance. Although we really could not afford the vet bills, and we did not know how Alfie’s quality of life would be affected, we knew he must have gone through so much trouble to get back to us, knowing that we would help. So we did.
Several overdrafts later, and weeks of caring for -what didnt really resemble a cat-, he was fit again. Surprisingly running around on his 3 remaining legs. As good as new it seems. You may wonder what he’s like after that trauma? Well he’s a perfect cat. Not scared of people, very friendly. Never have your pet put down, it’s always worth doing everything you can to save them.
To add to that, we have another cat, Harry (is actually female), we bought them together as kittens. And my mum had this theory, that Harry knew where Alfie was, while he was hiding his wounds for several days, and Harry had been eating food, then throwing it up for Alfie to eat… thus keeping him alive. Harry still has a tendency to throw up. But wow… if it’s true..
My thoughts are with you. Pets grab your heart and to see them in pain is enough to break you. Whatever the outcome, you can know you have given her the best life possible. I am amazed at her age and that is credit to your care.
Hi Molly,
My thoughts are with you both, I cannot imagine how you must feel but if its anything like I would it must be pretty horrible. That said however do you not feel that maybe to deal with the matter at hand would be far more responsible, both for Taras benefit and your own, from what I read Taras had a wonderful life with you so why drag that out for ultimatly your own emotional needs, use opera as a crutch not Tara :0) Be strong, be focused.
Take care
Darren
Thanks for the wonderful words of support and the great stories of your own experiences – that sort of thing really helps me at this time.
@Glen: I think they’re missing their hearts, frankly, not a cog and wheel in their brains (although probably that too)
@Darren: If you’re implying what I’m inferring, then you are suggesting that Tara be put down. This is a decision that cannot be made lightly. However, there is good criteria to help determine this, and that’s something that Tara’s vet and I will decide when the time comes. Right now, that’s not the recommended course of action, and I’m glad for it, since Tara is doing very well.
Molly,
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Tara. Look deep inside you and you will find that you are just as strong-willed as Tara. You both give and take strength from each other. You will both know when the time is right to let go. And when that day comes, you will be surrounded by those that love you who want to support you as you do for others. And Tara will never leave your side either. She will remain in you for all time and live in your heart. Sending lots of love and good thoughts for you both.
Jo
I soooooo agree!
My biggest hugs for you, Molly. Coincidentally, today my female cat is being sterilised so she’s going to have surgery in, say, an hour :/
It’s odd to some, but I think of my cats as my babies, and I can well imagine you have a similar, maternal feeling for Tara.
you have my deepest sympathies molly. just keep on loving her and taking care of her while she’s here.
Awwww Molly… what a tough time. And who would expect any cat of yours to be one iota different than you describe Tara as? You made the right choice in staying with her right now.
It really bothers me the way some people look at animals. As if they aren’t cognizant with an extreme level of intelligence. They have feelings… and, I believe, emotions as well. I have always communicated with and talked to my pets. In turn, people have always told me how smart they are. I don’t think I just happened to choose smart pets each time. I think it’s the communication and belief in their ability to understand.
Our dog Oakley is 13 now. In the past year, her eyes have gone cloudy, she can barely hear and arthritis has set in. I know she doesn’t have long left. But she still puts her forehead on mine when I bend down to talk to her — she presses it hard against me (that’s our hug). And she still makes little noises in her throat (similar to someone clearing their throat, but more deliberate) when she needs to tell me something. If her water bowl is empty (my son’s job), she comes over to me and repeatedly licks her lips. If she could talk, she would, but it’s usually unnecessary anyway. I know what she wants.
I dread the day she’s gone. It’s almost like losing a child. But I value every moment I’ve had with her.
I was implying, now I’m glad to hear Taras doing well :0)
M — You have my deepest sympathy. I wish Tara all the pigeons in heaven.
Hey Molly, I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. I hope you find comfort in the remaining days you have left with her.
I’m sorry babe. Be strong.
Molly, I am so sorry to hear about Tara. Our pets are so much of who we are and we are lost without them. When my RB Gideon was diagnosed with Feline Fibrosarcoma, I did everything I could for him, knowing he was going to die regardless. I took him to Auburn University for radiation therapy for the tumor; I had other tumors removed. He never complained the entire time he was sick. I made the four-hour trip to Auburn from Huntsville every Friday for six weeks. Gid and I stayed in a hotel over the weekends, then I returned him to the University on Sunday’s. I was so worried I wouldn’t know when it was “time”. But he let me know. We gladly rearrange our lives for our pets because we know they would rearrange their lives for us.
I truly hope and pray Tara spends many more days with you. I had to laugh when I read how she came into your life. The best pets seem to be those that “catch us by surprise”; they sneak into our lives before we know it and they’re there to stay. Animals see inside humans and know who is good.
My Orange Tabby Naranj and my DLH P. K. Knickers will keep their pawsies crossed that Tara recovers and continues to improve. These two are pound kitties Gideon sent to me after he went to the RB. They are unique and hilarious. Each night as Naranj slowly steals my pillow and I search for a spot to place my feet that won’t disturb P. K., I am subtly reminded of how much I love them and what they mean to me.
Tara knows how much she means to you and to what lengths you would go for her health and happiness. That is why she chose you to live with.
Love to your sweet little kitty. Keep her close and give her love. Let me know if there’s anything I can do.
Molly, I am so grateful to be able to read your blog, about both your business life and your personal life. I admire your web work tremendously and thank you for it.
Our family has experienced two deaths of pets in recent years, both devastating, and I totally understand and sympathize with your feelings about Tara. Four years later my now 12-yo son still deeply mourns our cat Basie who died at age 19. We all miss our sweet Sandy, half golden/half mutt who my now 18 yo daughter grew up with; she died at age 16 five years ago.
Best wishes to you and deepest sympathies as you go through this life stage with your sweet girl.
Loving support is sent your and Tara’s way. Thanks also for sharing your story, joys and sadness. It’s important to read these things, touch on the painful aspects of life and dying, and when we’re wise enough, live a richer life in response. All the best to you and yours.
Molly, Thank you so much for giving us all this chance to share in the joy and the sadness of our fur families. Our Sasha was a tiny cat too, with enormous bravery and sense of fun. My landlady gave her to me because she thought the landlady’s baby (in a jolly jumper) was a playtoy…poor little guy was getting scratched badly! She came to us before my daughter was born and my son named her for his best friend. She was barely weaned and never grew large. A bit of siamese as she could talk! She loved natchos and would steal one out of your mouth if she could. She and I became pregnant together and I was never so excited as when she had her 4 delightful babes in the linen closet! ha, to hell with the laundry later:) She later moved them into the sock drawer. Too funny.
Sasha was with us healthy and happy to the amazing age of 22. My daughter had never known a time without The Sasha Cat winding about her ankles, draping herself across her shoulders or sitting on top of her books, artwork and eventually, her keyboard.
On a bright spring day, 5 years ago, she did not get up from her bed. She dozed in the sun throught the afternoon and as the sun passsed over her spot she slipped quietly away. We were all home that day, oddly enough, as with most families Saturday’s are taken up with a million things. Sasha now lies in the sunniest spot of the garden and I sit near her often thinking on all that she and I and my daughter shared, the lessons learned, the laughter, the natchos, the mice, all of it.
I know Molly, that you and your Tara have shared the same joy and fun and a zillion stories. I thank you again for sharing her with us and letting us share with you.
People who don’t have pets have the poorest lives. I hope Tara is doing OK, you too.
“Until one has loved an animal, a part of one’s soul remains unawakened.” – Anatole France
The hardest part of being owned by a dog or cat is knowing that the day will come when that above-described part of your soul begins to ache so dreadfully from your loss. We know this, but we allow ourselves to fall in love regardless.
All you can do, dear friend-I’ve-yet-to-meet, is try to store up your strength while you love and love and love. And when the day comes, let yourself cry as hard as you have loved. Repeat as necessary.
Eventually time will bring you the relief of a small amount of distance, in which you can begin to look back and smile without any accompanying pain.
And in the meantime? Tara’s up there in Kittyland rolling in catnip and eating sashimi by the boatload.
Here you go on yet another of life’s unwelcomed emotional stomach-dropping roller-coaster rides. Hang on tightly. You’ll make it.
I wish humans in less fortunate parts of the world got half the treatment that your cat gets.
I wish death was handled the way it should, not as a monster that we dare not to face, but as a natural phase of life.
I dread the day my dog Snoopy, a Border Collie cross Kelpie, passes away. He has been a part of my life for the past 6 years although he is coming up for 10 years later this year. Sometimes I feel that people are all to quick to dismiss a pet as just an animal, but when you get down to it they are a part of your everyday life, make you laugh, sometimes cry, they are in essence akin to being one of your own kids (in my case, the only one).
The opportunity with Opera may have been missed in that instance, but I dare say the opportunity will again arise in the future.
Molly and Tara – wishing you both comfort and happiness. I watch my two cats get older (both are about 9), and remember my first cat Mogi who we put down at 19. I wish I had taken better care of her, and now I clean and change my cats’ water EVERY meal in penance…I can’t imagine a life without them – it would be pointless, and joyless.
Work will always be there. And it’s not really the point of life. Pet Tara once for me.
It does my heart good to see that not only you and your (human) family are so devoted to your fuzzy ones, but to read comments from so many others who do understand. After doing a lot of volunteer work for a local SPCA, I was getting the impression that people who “get it” are in the drastic minority. And this is also due to dealing with the executive at that local SPCA. But I digress.
What your brother wrote says it all: the level of companionship, love, and even loss that you can feel in your life with a pet is comparable to (and sometimes greater than) that you feel in interpersonal relationships.
Tara is as lucky to have you as you are to have her. It’s good to know that when it is her time to go, she’ll have someone who loves her at her side.
This is the point where I grab my German Shepherd -Bull Terrier mix Angus and hug the bajeezus out of him, telling him he’s not allowed to go anywhere anytime soon. And gives me that “you humans are nuts” look.
P.S. I don’t know if it’ll help you, but I have quite a few friends who’ve found a bit of peace visiting petloss.com.
Hi Mollie,
I just found your blog today while reading through the Wordpress lessons. (You’re quoted on Comment Spam.)
Your piece about Tara touched me deeply, as it obviously did a lot of people. I found my life severely constrained – and willingly so – each time my dog, Pal, became ill, particularly during the illness leading up to her death in April of last year. I still feel her leaning against my leg, or flopping her chin on my lap, when I sit still to write.
I wrote about Pal on the anniversary of her death, and I found it therapeutic. I hope that your piece about Tara helped you in the same way. Sometimes naming our sorrow, and telling stories about our dead and our dying, helps. I hope it helps you.
I send you a hug.
Noeleen
Im glad to hear that you cat is doing well. She is fortunate to have you.
Best wishes Tara~
where did I get so blessed with all of you wonderful humans and animal friends? Tara is doing amazingly well all things considered.
Thank you my dear friends, for all you’ve shared here and how much you’ve lifted me up. Tara, she’s great.
Thank you, thank you, thank you always,
M
Molly,
I still can’t bare to share my story in detail in writing. I lost a 14 year long friend (my Dog) in 2003, and still can’t speak or write about it without tears in my eyes. I had to make the hardest decision of my life taking him to the vet and having him put down.
So Molly, my best friend, please know I am with you. I miss you. Hang in there.
Pedro
Hang in there, Molly. Please scritch Tara in that special place and tell her we’re praying for her … and you.
Molly and Tara,
I am thrilled that Tara seems to be doing so well these days! And how nice there are so many animal lovers here. Almost every post mentions a beloved pet…
Our pets normally will let us know when it is time, Molly. We just have to listen. This is very difficult most of the time, being so unselfish….And for those who have to help their pets go, it is probably the most unselfish thing we will have to do.
You are doing the right thing…you are listening, Molly. And letting Tara enjoy life.
We know we will be facing that with our 14 year old Australian Shepherd, Adam (rescued at 12 months) one day soon.
He is actually doing very well, still actively making pet therapy visits to three facilities a month. But when he tells us that he is tired and needs to rest forever, we will be listening and will help him, even though it will be the hardest thing I have to do. I have also asked my vet to help me if he feels I am not “hearing” Adam. I would never want any animal to suffer, but especially not Adam, who has given his entire life to helping others.
He has been doing pet therapy work for almost 13 years, the majority of his life. He started most of the programs here in our area, working with brain trauma, stroke, and spinal injuries, visiting children in Mississippi’s only Children’s hospital, and allowing the kids to read to him in the local libraries, not to mention countless nursing homes, and even a home for abused children.
We are also facing possible issues with our very young 6 year old Magnolia, a Great Pyrenees, who may have bone cancer. I have decided that if it is cancer, she will not have to go through treatments that will only prolong her life a few months. Tough for us, but for her, we will do this.
Molly and Tara, I have you both in my thoughts and in my prayers. *hug*
You know where to find me should you need me.
Suzanne
Molly, I had a cat named Kashmir who developed renal failure at 16 years old. As you pointed out, it is a very common illness in older cats. The vet told us that Kashmir could live another year or two on her IV fluids. We gave them to her faithfully – first once a day, and then twice a day. She lived almost FIVE years on those fluids. We finally had to put her down when she was about to turn 21.
I will hang on to the hope that Tara can hold on for a good while longer. I have every confidence that you will devote yourself to her comfort and quality of life. Our pets are, after all, our “children with fur.” I commend you on your attitude in putting her first.
Sheri
Moly,
I just picked up one of your books from my shelf and decided to check out your website. I’m sitting at my desk at work and am wiping the tears rolling down my cheeks. Here I was looking css material and I found a woman who has a cat. Isn’t that the biggest understatement of all!!!!!!! I know I currently have 3 and have had many more in my life that have past on to cat heaven. OMG I can not tell you how much you and Tara touch my heart. Tara will let you know when it is her time and you will be able to respect that and sadly and joyously let her go.
My Aja also died from kidney failure at the age of 18 and I thought I could never do it. I found a wonderful vet who paid house calls. He said when it is time call me day or night and I will come over. When it ws time he came… I can’t continue because I am bawling my eyes out, but I can say it was a very peaceful journey for her.
Love to you both!!!
Sara
Molly,
There is a site you can visit to research natural and holistic treatments, etc. for animals and people. Please visit http://www.shirleys-wellness-cafe.com …. When Gideon was sick with cancer I found this site. And though the type of cancer he had could not be healed even naturally, I’ve used the site many times to help myself. I used to have terrible stomach issues and I took Nexium forever. I would panic if I missed a dose because I would have such an upset. Thanks to the information I found on this site, I was able to wean myself off Nexium with Bentonite clay. I haven’t had problems since. I also found a way to keep fleas and ticks off my cats without using harsh chemicals. There is a wealth of information to search through. Hopefully you can find something that will help Tara. Do you have any holistic vets in your area? If you need more information or have questions please email me at lisastewart@knology.net …
Molly…Tara is a Lucky Lady to have a committed “mamma” like you.
It takes a special kinda person to love animals and take the responsibility seriously. We recently added the 5th cat to our home with 4 and a dog…they know who will love them…we should all listen a tad closer to those furry little voices.
Please Spay/Neuter your pets if you love them folks!
Love ya Sistah!
Hugs & love to Ms. Tara from the brood here:
Stashie, TomTom, Callie, Slim, Brak n DaisyMae
Hmm.. Tara is almost cute like Janosch, my big fat cat, but only almost
The own cat is always the cutest, isn’t it?
This is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title Of Best Friends.
Enjoy..
This is exactly what I expected to find out after reading the title Of Best Friends.
Successful website
very interesting Website
thankyou ..
awasome!. thanks molly..