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molly.com
Wednesday 1 February 2006
Four Things: The Commencement Speech
MY DEAR FRIENDS I am so honored to be here today as your meme-free life commences. I look upon your smiling, happy faces and I know of the challenges you have faced, the independence you have declared, the dreams you have imagined for your future.
You have worked hard to rise above adversity, so today I stand before you humbled but tasked with the goal of hoping my life’s experiences will offer some guidance to you through this commencement speech.
Work
Of the many jobs I’ve had in my life, four stand out as strong reminders of how work can teach us many lessons about ourselves, our failings, and our strengths.
- Diamond running is as, if not more dangerous than espionage. Even if you’re only 16 and look like a street urchin (which is the point), if you’re running diamonds between brokers in New York’s lower east side, you are putting your life in your hands. No matter what your pious Chasidic uncle says. From this job I learned: Don’t trust people with bright shiny things.
- What I should have learned from that experience but didn’t, I learned later on when another loving uncle (a mortuary owner) paid me and a boyfriend a lot of money to go to every mortuary in the city in which we lived. We had to pretend my father was dying and we wanted to make arrangements, and compile clandestine reports for my uncle such as competitor’s pricing, methods, and products. Here, I learned two very important life lessons: watch out for uncles, and being a spy in a house of death will do nothing to improve your lot in life.
- Working as a barmaid or barman is hard. You will be yelled at, put upon, abused by people at their hungry, thirsty worst and left small tips for large labors because let’s face it, most people are skint. From the lesson of having worked as a barmaid, I learned to have more patience with people. Also, that serving food and booze will not make you all that much money in most places.
- Being an exotic dancer will make you money, but your feet and back will begin to kill you from walking on stilts for 8 hours a day while shaking proverbial booty. Besides, what a body looks like at 19 isn’t what it looks like years later, when the hard living takes its toll and you end up chubby and flawed. From this experience I say: Don’t bet your work life on your body.
Find work you truly love, for you’re going to spend a lot of time doing it. Make sure it’s something that enriches you, pays you well enough to support you and yours, and gives something back to your society at large, and you will be a far, far happier creature.
Life isn’t Like the Movies
As you embark on your future, you might want to fashion yourself after a character you’ve come to admire, or specifically make yourself as unlike a given character, situation, or plot as you can be. I’ve done this myself, and here is what I’ve learned:
- If you meet a Tin Man, give him a heart just like in the Wizard of Oz. People who seem empty may only just need a little bit of love to bring them out of their shell.
- Pulp Fiction has several characters who can definitely serve as reverse role models. Honey Bunny isn’t someone I want to be, nor is a character like Marsellus. Having faith that others will get you out of tight situations is simply impractical.
- Whenever I want to remember what I could have become if it were not for the personal courage to get out of a twisted world, I watch the film Spun. When the devil comes to your doorstep, friends, do the wise thing and send the evil beast away.
- If I ever wanted to be anything completely different from what I am today, I think I would consider charming bees, the way Idgie did in Fried Green Tomatoes. Now there’s a character I admire through and through, and hope my own courage to transcend prejudice and charm the sting out of others can come close to hers.
Shape your life after those you admire, and be reminded that while we all make mistakes, we can take courage from those that thrive against adversity, and learn that strife can make us strong.
Where You Live Matters
I often have wondered why people end up living where they do. Sometimes, it’s economics, but more often, people stay where they are out of fear. Where you live makes an enormous difference in terms of how you experience the world around you.
- Brooklyn, New York, was to my very young eyes a wonderland. From Sundays on the Wonder Wheel with my Dad, to seeing the Verrazzano Narrows Bridge built while my mother held me to the window each day, it was a great place to be in the early 1960s. I learned that humans can reach great heights, and that is a lesson that remains with me always.
- Sleepy suburban towns can have an underbelly of disease. That was what I remember Maplewood, New Jersey to be like in my teenage years. Pretty on the outside, but within all too many of its homes lay an abundance of sorrows: Violence, addictions, sexual deviance and abuse. Do not think, my friends, that a white picket fence is the equivalent of happiness.
- A big sky and vast emptiness can be freeing, as I found in my many years of living in Tucson, Arizona. Just beware that ignorance is not bliss, particularly when it comes in the form of beer-drinking racists living in trailers at the river’s edge. Look up, people, and see the mountains, open sky, and beautiful light, and you will be happier for it.
- Consider living as a nomad and travel the world. For after all, it is the world that is your real home. I have learned far more living day to day in different places than staying in one place could ever have afforded me.
Wherever you choose to live, find community. It is the interweaving of our lives and destinies that make us stronger in the end.
Television: Diversion, Laughter, Education
This advice is as straightforward as it gets. Seek TV shows that divert, educate, and amuse.
- Law and Order (all variants) is a great diversion. Besides, Vincent D’Onofrio makes me swoon (but you knew that).
- CSI (the original) is another great diversion. Just don’t ever, ever recreate any of the plots in your own life.
- South Park, because it will teach you that irreverence can be freeing.
- The Simpsons, because that choice needs no explanation at all.
Better yet, keep your hand off the remote’s on button as much as possible. If you do press that little red oval, avoid the news as it will only make you sad; reality shows as they will only make you mad; and talk/shock shows as they will only make you stupid.
Relaxation is Rejuvination
Everyone needs a holiday. Some places to consider should you be lucky enough to have the time and money to take a break:
- The Hawaiian Islands are stunningly beautiful and full of adventurous as well as relaxing things to do. The people are warm and friendly, just like the sun, and you are in an interesting place between Western and Eastern cultures with much to learn about people and their myriad ways.
- Climb the Piramide de la Luna in Teotihuacan, Mexico. It’s not as tall as brother Sol, but there’s something extraordinarily spiritual about that particular view of tilted sky and land.
- Drive as much of the California Highway One as possible. If you have no faith, you will come to believe. If you still want no God, you will be comforted with the knowledge that out of chaos can be born the most beautiful joining of earth, sea, and sky.
- Take a cruise. It sounded pretty strange to me, too, until I went on one in the Eastern Caribbean. The rocking of the boat, constant fresh air, sun, and daily visits to the mineral bath and spa was absolutely healing. Ports of call are great opportunities to meet a lot of people and study diverse places for future investigation.
No matter where you go for R&R, remember that the best vacation is the rare day you ditch work, school and other responsibility, curl up under the cozy covers, sleep late, make love to your lover, and leave crumbs in bed.
Food is Life
Growing up Jewish, I learned early that food is in fact one of the greatest pleasures life has to offer. Four dishes that bring me comfort, symbolize community, offer up a challenge and replenish my blood:
- Egg noodles with butter, salt, and cottage cheese. A simple immigrant folk dish from my Polish grandmother, when I am sad this is the food that comforts me.
- Beef brisket with potatoes and onions. Another European comfort food, smother this in Paprika and if you have some red wine, throw that in too. Cook it for a really long time until the beef is so tender it melts in your mouth, and share it on a Sunday afternoon with family and friends.
- Venture forth into other cultures and challenge your taste buds! I like Thai food in particular, and in particular particular, Pad Panang Beef, very spicy.
- A grilled Rib Eye steak served medium rare, a side of fresh asparagus and a baked potato with butter and sour cream. What can I say? It’s my all time favorite.
I eat meat, obviously, but fruits and veg are not to be discounted in this world and even if you’re not a vegetarian, seeking them out regularly is a wisdom for the ages.
Visit Virtual Friends
While keeping up with all the blogs I want to is an impossible task, visiting certain friends regulary is important. While no means a comprehensive list, I stop by Eric’s for insight into both life and work; Malarkey’s because, aside from needing my Mod fix when we’re apart, he makes me laugh as well as learn; MJ’s because she shares so much of her heart (and kisses); and Bruce’s because he’s clearly and ever-so-amusingly insane.
Just as you want your friends to visit you, visit them. We need each other.
Be Here Now
Now It’s pre-dawn in Limoges, France. I’m jetlagged as hell from flying for most of the last two days, and now have two full days of conferencing, schmoozing, and speaking, mostly in a language I can’t speak or understand. Would I rather be somewhere else? It’s possible, but if I’ve learned anything at all to share with you on this important day, it’s that all we really ever have is right here, right now.
So make the best of it.
Moving Forward
I hope these experiences and thoughts have offered up something valuable as we commence this day. I shan’t be tagging four people with this meme, for I believe there were greater points to be made.
Take nothing for granted, respect that other people enjoy things you might not, or have a different opinion than you do, and know that everything we touch and touches us shapes not only our individual lives, but the lives of everyone in turn.
Filed under: blogging, humor, pop culture
Posted by: Molly | 22:59 | Comments (32)
(dies laughing) ^.^
How is it you manage to make being sensible so funny? Brilliant.
Just when I thought that meme couldn’t be saved, Molly brings it to a beautiful conclusion.
Best reply to a meme, ever.
Outstandingly good (as ever)….this is a response that I’m going to have to ‘bookmark’ for repeat viewings in future!
Genius, pure genius.
The Zen says I’m dead
I went out for dinner tonight with my friends Amanda & Vincent and afterwards we stopped at Chapters to browse. While we were there I remembered how badly I wanted to buy The Zen of CSS Design: Visual Enlightenment for the Web by Dave Shea and Molly&nb…
Insane?? No way. I’ve just metamorphosed into Capitalist Bastard Man, having taken the Google shilling.
When I’m sitting on the deck of my yacht, moored on the shores of Bruceland (my own Carribean island), sipping cocktails and snorting cocaine off Hollywood starlets’ breasts, we’ll see who’s insane then ….
I bow to your superior satirical skills ;o)
Inspired.
Nothing but pure, sweet, amazing genius. Utter, utter, utter domination.
Molly wins by K.O.
this is the best “four things” ever!
exotic dancer? wow
I’ve always felt left out that no one has meme-d me at my personal blog, but now, even if they did, I don’t think I can live up to the challenge.
When things have been done extraordinarily well, anything else is just cruft.
Great read Molly!
Personally, I doubt the claim of exotic dancer and demand pictoral evidence. Or video footage. Whatever works for you. As long as whatever it is enables me to keep one hand free, I’m good.
Great reply!
I can’t agree with Simpsons anymore, it’s great …. but it’s great no more. Its in its 17th(I think?) series and started getting dry, unfunny and predictable years ago. It WAS great though I will give it that, better than great.
Neat post, Molly! I also love Vincent D’Onofrio! And I can’t believe your favorite meal! There has to be some “Suth-en” in you! *grin*
That is also my favorite meal. My biggest suprise was that you liked asparagus with it! Not really Southern per se, but it is what my mom always cooked when we had steak and baked potato. My only change would be to add chives to that baked potato! *grin*
Yeah, growing up in the South, food is everything! *laughing* Our friends didn’t come to see my sisters and me; they came to see my mom because she cooked chili every Sunday in the winter for them, and made homemade icecream every Sunday in the summer!
Couldn’t have finished it up any better than that…
Well woven into something positive.
La bonne chance, aujourd’hui.
A minor correction or two about Route 1. It is California Rte. 1. US Rte. 1 is on the east coast. And here in California, it’s known as the Pacific Coast Highway (PCH) only down in southern California. The stretch I travel on almost every day is called Cabrillo Highway. Driving CA1 (most parts, that is) makes you proud to be an Earthling.
[...] But then, it all got better again because there was one person who was genuinely smart, and she did this. [...]
Wow. This is fantastic… I never thought that such a stupid meme can become such a great reading.
I must agree: The Best. Ever.
I have four words for you:
I… Love… This… SPEEECCCCCHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Brilliant humour, brilliantly executed. If I wasn’t married… (I’d probably be living with my parents, but that’s another story)
You won the meme!
Molly wins the Internet.
Just whe I thought I’d be able to keep my blogroll from growing back to its previous size. Dear oh dear.
(Limoges? In this weather? You are one brave woman.)
Une journée à l’Université du WIF
Sans négliger l’intérêt de la journée de jeudi du WIF, je veux bien admettre que ce vendredi comportait un paquet de conférences prometteuses….
ha ha I just made up my own sets of 4 cos its norty to do that. Interesting Molly
[...] If we had more women in these dorky mailing lists, flamewars would be far fewer, discussions would be more intelligent, and people would be respectful toward each other. But as the average geek mailing list has zero active female participation, any lengthy thread where even a minor dispute arises ultimately ends up being a fist fight. What we really need is a good dose of estrogen in all technical discussions. Compare the dignified silence (and of course, smart mediation) of female standardistas as opposed to us monkeys pooping web standards all over the place. [...]
Very strong language you have used there.
I will try and avoid being the three types you have explained above.
Great info there.