molly.com
Monday 26 December 2005
She Cooks a Fine Pig She Does
WHAT DOES A JEWISH GIRL COOK FOR CHRISTMAS? Why, roast pig, of course.
Now I’m sure that many of my dead ancestors are rolling over in their graves, and quite possibly a few live relations have fallen into their plots and rolled over a few times as well. But yes indeedy that’s what I did: I cooked a fine pig.
Christmas is a holiday I spend by proxy. It’s not a holiday I seek out, because being raised with a strong Jewish heritage if not actual faith, Christmas wasn’t something on my family’s to-do list. Growing up Jewish in a nation dominated by Christians was at some times painful - consider South Park’s Kyle and his heartfelt “A Lonely Jew on Christmas” for a taste of what I mean.
I spent this Christmas in Tucson with friends for whom Christmas is important. So I went and cooked a big hunk of pig. Normally a pork shoulder roast weighing some eight pounds isn’t my first choice at the butcher shop, as my heritage might indicate. I was on orders from a friend who is the king of pig cookery, and entrusted me to do the pig work.
I bought the pig, I marinated the pig, and when the time came, I cooked the pig.
If you come from or empathize with a Jewish-American background, you do realize why my entire ancestral line is rolling over in those graves and moaning - in pain - because of this. However, when the pig, and the mashed potatoes and the fresh brussel sprouts with black pepper were served and consumed, all was happy, including the Jewish girl who cooked, and then ate, the pig.
Christmas is a holiday I spend by proxy. This year, I spent it learning that even a Jewish girl from Brooklyn could cook a pig so perfectly that gentiles cry.
What did you cook, eat, do, receive, think about or not do for Christmas?
Next year, I’m gonna cook a whole pig, I swear. With an apple in its mouth.
Just to say I did.
Filed under: humor, food and drink
Posted by: Molly | 8:17 pm |
December 26th, 2005 at 9:29 pm
I’m jewish too, and I had pizza for Christmas/Chanukah. It’s not exactly pig, but nice going.
December 26th, 2005 at 9:30 pm
Umm…Molly, you know there’s an unwritten NYC Jewish Person Rule that pork is okay if it’s in Chinese food.
I gather you remember Moshe Peking? Alas, that’s gone but there’s this now: http://www.greatrestaurantsmag.com/KOSHER/restaurant_view/72/
December 26th, 2005 at 9:47 pm
Noo molly nooo!!! Ha. I feel a bit squeemish i do…
December 26th, 2005 at 9:48 pm
A rabbi and a priest are on the train. They make small talk. Eventually they get around to the discussion about what’s ok and what’s not.
The priest says, “I know that, in your religion, you’re not supposed to eat pork, but I’ve got to know. Have you actually ever tasted it?
The Rabbi said, “I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion.”
Then the Rabbi asked, “Your religion, too… I know you’re supposed to be celibate, but…”
The priest replied, “Yes, I know what you’re going to ask. I have succumbed once or twice.”
There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he was reading and said,
“Hell of a lot better than pork, isn’t it?”
December 26th, 2005 at 9:49 pm
[…] 212; 3:52 pm “” Contrary to rumour I am not the pig purchased by Molly , marinated or cooked or even eaten - although […]
December 27th, 2005 at 2:47 am
[…] ral members of the bloggerati probably hoped as such after 2005″ Contrary to rumour I am not the pig purchased by Molly, marinated or cooked or even eaten - although […]
December 27th, 2005 at 4:27 am
I’m a strong Atheist and ever I succumb to the holiday of Christmas. It has the benefit of the meal that I long for all year, I’m already counting down the days until it’s return.
Smoked Ham, Turkey, Roast Potatoes, Kumara and various other bits and pieces all in large quantity. What more could I really want. And all enjoyed on a warm sunny Christmas Day.
December 27th, 2005 at 7:20 am
Smoked ham, string beans, streamed carrots, home made mash potatoes, and Argentine lasagna for dinner. Chocolate pudding pie and black forest cake for desert! Oh and breast milk, for the baby.
I guess pork is popular for this time of year.
December 27th, 2005 at 7:22 am
Interesting.
I’m agnostic and celebrate Christmas for its ‘new found reason’ of being extra close for a couple of days, a reason to try to put differences and what not aside to have fun with those you love.
December 27th, 2005 at 7:39 am
After burning the entire dinner because I was busy online finshing up some work I relized next year I am going to eat at my parents house!
December 27th, 2005 at 8:19 am
For a really traditional (English) Christmas that should be a boar’s head, not a pig, with an apple in its mouth. First catch your boar ….
We’re vegetarian but we still want a roast (Quorn), sausages with bacon wrapped around them (both TVP) and roast potatoes (not quite as good cooked in oil rather than beef lard but they’ll do).
December 27th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
The best Christmas song ever from the Pogues by the way… goes well with pig and whiskey.
A Story of New York
December 27th, 2005 at 1:12 pm
oops here’s the link…
http://www.youtube.com/watch.php?v=Lu1BtZHdxIw
December 27th, 2005 at 8:38 pm
Ugh!! Brussel sprouts are against my religion!
December 27th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
hummm. perhaps from Skunk Hollow’s Road Kill Kafe and Lug Nut Hut, the menu included wafflized armadillo and acorn dip. however being true to my anchestry i enjoyed two Seventh Day Adventists made into a hearty stew with wild yams and onions. Well really not the truth, when i hollered “get the bone saw” they ran fer their lives. so i had to settle for hot links and sauerkraut with some dark beer as the Kafe was out of armadillo.
December 28th, 2005 at 10:22 am
Hi Molly,
Well, this little southern Baptist lady had Wild Boar (go figure), marinated potatoes, foie grois, homemade pate’, green beans snugly wrapped with bacon, all the champange we could drink (accented with Cassis), and an exquisite dessert with lots of flavored butter. Yes! If you haven’t figured it out yet: my stepmother is FRENCH! LOL After a three-hour multicourse meal all I needed was something remotely resembling a bed and I would have been “out for the count”! Oh! I forget the Belgian Chocolates and the Liquer Chocolates brought from France with my French relatives. Good liquers like Grand Marnier and Remy Martin!
December 29th, 2005 at 10:03 am
hi, MOLLY
I share your name. Now I think pigs are delicious though they are agaist my religion (but my mom would freak if she knew and I would have to say my last words) I know you’re saying I’m a bad girl but like you never rebelled
December 29th, 2005 at 10:31 am
My lovely half German punk rock boyfriend’s family made “potato balls” and Brulatten (sp?) which is something like flank steak wrapped around bacon, wrapped around pickles, all of which is rolled up, secured by toothpicks and roasted in gravy. Different but good.
Next up is my family’s New Year’s Day luncheon which is an odd cross between a couple of Polish holiday traditions and some sort of idealized Canadian 1950’s Easter Picnic: Cold turkey and ham, meatballs,tossed salad, polish sausage, cabbage rolls, sometimes pierogi and sour cream, a relish tray of dill pickles, sweet pickles, black olives, green olives, green onions, celery sticks, and beets, deviled eggs and potato salad, rolls, french bread, cocktail rye,banana bread, cookies, whatever chocolates my grandmother got for Christmas and possibly some sort of jello salad. With hot tea at the end, of course. We all convene at noon on New Year’s Day without question or complaint and another year commences.
December 29th, 2005 at 12:13 pm
OY VAY, Molly! At least you didn’t eat pig on Shabbat.
December 29th, 2005 at 6:28 pm
I had salmon and latkes on Chrismukah.
December 30th, 2005 at 1:43 pm
Good for you. Next year do Mexican. You can keep the faith and have fun. Tortillas are unleavened bread.
December 30th, 2005 at 2:47 pm
For Christmas and Boxing Day I have traditional Turkey Roast with seasonal vegetables, apriot and raisin stuffing, chipolatas wrapped in bacon and cranberry sauce. That’s followed by Christmas Pudding and White sauce. I absolutely love cooked dinners.
January 2nd, 2006 at 9:21 pm
Awesome job on the pork shoulder–I just bought my first pork shoulder a couple of weeks ago. Got it at that Chinese Supermarket at Grant and Stone (obligatory Tucson reference). Was wanting a ham bone for soup, and it did look kinda’ hammy in the store. Got it home, surfed around only to learn that a picnic ham is no ham at all. Found a recipe that recommended roasting for five hours at 250 degrees with apple juice and brown sugar. Turned out great! Used the meat in an awesome bean soup–more like stew, really.
BTW, stumbled across your site at Hivelogic and am studying your source to “learn myself up a little better”. Regards.
January 3rd, 2006 at 9:29 am
My dear friend and her husband were invited to my Christmas dinner. I prepared my first spiral ham - what fun! and the mandatory creamed onions and cornbread dressing with pecan and apple pie. My friends brought their menorah and before dinner lit the candles and sang the prayers. We created a new tradition and called it Chrismahanukkah.
January 3rd, 2006 at 6:26 pm
Hey…
just say no! Muslims don’t eat pig. Jews don’t eat pig. Pigs have worms and you need to make sure they are really cooked well, and they are the only flesh that smells human when burnt (ask a surviving burn victim. Would it really hurt so much to go slaughter a nice little white lamb instead? Pigs are smarter too…
How are you?
Kelly says hi.
I think for 20k a month you should get your own insurance
D.I. von Briesen, from the WOW summit at the Pink Flamingo at Comdex a few years back
January 4th, 2006 at 3:39 pm
[…] Meanwhile back to me because I’m somewhat important in this conversation too - personally I think as long as the aprons are top quality and not mass produced shite then they’d be of reasonable value beyond the nortypig bit anyway. I can see potential with pigs and cooking thanks to Molly’s foray in the kitchen. No photos of me are going up with my fake apple I got for Christmas though, sorry. […]
January 6th, 2006 at 10:02 am
Seeing that my family is Polish/German, there was much sauerkraut - creamy sauerkraut with potatoes, sauerkraut with caraway seeds and kielbasa. . . Turkeey, of course, with a meat stuffing and mashed potatoes and brussel sprouts. It was accompanied by a great ratatouille (sp?) for a vegan cousin and that awful greenbeen casserole thingy. From a Mexican in-law (not Hispanic - he calls himself Mexican) we were blessed with his wonderfully fragrent and flavorful tamales. And he and my cousin, being fantastic pastry chefs, brought many marvelous goodies from their pastry shop. There was much more seeing that my aunt invited about 55 family members for Christmas. A prolific family we are!
May 24th, 2006 at 4:59 pm
i try to find something at google.com and take it on your site…thanks
June 8th, 2006 at 4:04 pm
Dear Molly
Hello my dear fellow, have you tryed the pix stix there good at the nut gut hut.
Beeeef is well its like turbans maaan you got the reccipe so called hind gindi.
This is good because the toothpaste is runing low on battery.
Yes i know the sun is way high up in the so called indy montains.
Its like this first you are small that you are smaller then buda kills you.
But look on the bright side you will be reecarnated in the after life.
Cute tube top gf is like so totallty your’e size you know what i mean.(HAHAHAHAHA)
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June 8th, 2006 at 4:08 pm
Pete troian is my name and i like the dick
July 30th, 2006 at 8:55 pm
Hi how are you i love you =)
July 30th, 2006 at 8:59 pm
kick ass love code head int hte the town is hoauned by uranus why is is is the life wlie to hard to eat the meat atfer you brush yor head with a skin masher the blankets are on my penis omg my name is Nick Wert Trew DvD and pizza is on the the the plate of my momma hot stuff look ghood
thanks for your time Molly E. Holzschla
December 21st, 2006 at 6:58 pm
where in the world did pork and Christmas come together, also
Easter. I am not Jewish but I do respect there food laws and try
to live by them, I don’t eat unclean “things”, really I am
vegan, I have eaten such while growing up but for the last 36 years
have not endulged in meat eating although there are some meats
that are just fine to eat, I just rather not eat anything that
has a face, but do not condeam those that do partake, I just would
like to know how ham and Christmas, and Easter came together,
as the Old Testement certainly is still alive today since God
does not change I am sure the food laws in Lev. didn’t change
at Christs death.
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