molly.com
Saturday 30 July 2005
Girl’s Alright with Me
IN MY LAST POST, I wrote about myself using the term “girl” which of course invariably will upset other women. I never fully understood that perspetive, particularly when we look at the semantic value of the word.
I can say to another woman “What’s up girl?” and that’s almost always fine. In a formal social situation, a boss of either gender calling an employee “girl” would be inappropriate.
But when I wrote that I consider myself a “sensitive girl” and a “selfish girl” and even a “stupid girl” it’s called out as a problem. Why? It’s me, talking about me, using my own words. And at times, I am each of those things: sensitive? Beyond belief. Selfish? At times profoundly so. Stupid, well, I have a fair track record of highly stupid choices. Girl: yeah. I’m a girl.
Nobody ever called me any of those things, limiting me through oppression. I’m not the victim of that kind of verbal abuse so I’m not repeating old patterns. I’m not suffering from such a low self-esteem that I don’t understand or embrace my womanhood. I’m also the daughter of a prominent feminist who seems not to mind being flattered at 72 years of age by the occassional “girl” herself!
What’s more interesting is that writing that post I felt very much a little girl. I felt berated for being bad, I felt very vulnerable and childlike, and I was acting in a less-than-mature fashion as I tried to sort through my emotions. I’m glad so many of my brothers and sisters here are ready to comfort me or kick ass because I’ve been hurt. That’s so cool, because that’s family.
I never got that from my father or brothers, and maybe I’d be weaker if I had been more protected by them, but it sure feels nice sometimes to act and be treated like a girl.
I’ll tell you what really pisses me off, it’s when people call me ma’am. I know many were taught that was polite, but oh it makes me feel old.
Girl’s alright with me.
Filed under: humor, society
Posted by: Molly | 13:59 | Comments (20)
I’ve read your blog for a while, and you have wholehearted concurrence from me, who should understand, maybe more so than some other people, that we should be allowed to call ourselves whatever we want.
We ourselves know best what we are.
Also, incidentally very excited about the changes coming in IE7; it’s almost like seeing world peace around the corner. And I know so many people at MS just want to play along.
Tell those worthless bastards to pound sand girl.
What the hell?! The only crime in this situation is people (not you, Molly) taking themselves too seriously.
What’s really cool is when we define the very meaning of the words we use…by our actions.
You go! Girl!
Well, I was going to respond even though you were indirect, but your readers don’t tolerate disagreement.
Actually, I am going to respond.
It sounded like you were playing the ‘girl’ card. “Oh you big meanies — you’re picking on me. You big bad people, you.’
That’s not embracing womanhood — that’s playing a game.
Later I realized that I could have read you wrong. If so, sorry.
But I’m glad that you have people to comfort you when you’re hurt. Still, they’re no substitute for you taking care of yourself.
I can see Shelly’s point, but I don’t agree that calling people out for unjustified personal attacks is playing the ‘girl’ card. John Oxton took his whole site offline because he was getting similar attacks and it bothered him so much. That kind of thing is hard to deal with, and luckily you (Molly) have this place to express how you felt about it.
I think us “girls” should use whatever language we want to describe ourselves. I’m personally a big fan of the word “chick”.
That Molly, she’s one cool web chick
What you call yourself personally, is… personal. It’s an individual’s right to define themselves and decide what they feel is appropriate to them.
To those who feel it is their right to define everthing around them… pound sand.
I think of everybody younger than my own mother as either a “boy” or a “girl.” When I was a *little* boy, I thought that the 17-year-olds were “adults,” and now that I’m a boy of 21, I realize that girls can be considerably older than 17. I’m not trying to say that they’re helpless little children, just that I hate using things like “that woman” when referring to a specific person. Hey, I still happen to *like* girls, thank you very much.
I refuse to let my son’s (16 years old) friends call me, “Mrs. Sullivan.” Good lord! I’m not _that_ old. Please, call me Stephanie. And I’m a girl… not a boy. Sheesh. What’s wrong with people these days? lol
Here’s the thing – speak as a male….
Shelley has a definite point. But how do I – a male – respond?
Molly has a point too. But at least I can say to her – as a human being – that I understand.
Shelley…. how do I say that to you? I understand, but NO – I am not female. Just as I’m not anything but a Caucasian American Male…. which sometimes makes it tough for me to say “I understand” to anything other than that.
Um, Shelley? Just because we disagree with you doesn’t mean we "don’t tolerate disagreement". I respect your opinion, I just don’t share it. Thanks.
I utterly agree with you on the use of “ma’am.” In my near decade of customer service work, the people I wanted to hang up on the most were the people who called me “ma’am.” Even though it’s technically more demeaning, I always kind of liked being called “Miss.” It just seems kind of sweeter and sunnier and more polite. But then again, I’m the kind of girl who wants to be called a “girl.” I guess maybe it’s a postfeminist thing. We already know we’re smart and capable and tough. We want people to think we’re youthful and lovely and charming as well. And why shouldn’t we be?
What’s wrong with a little “GIRL POWER” anyhow?
Although I have long since past what is traditionally considered the age “girlhood”, I have never been able to accustom myself to all of the matronly feelings that for me accompany every aspects of the term “womanhood, womanly” et cetera.
I was born a GIRL; have never considered myself anything but a GIRL, and hopefully at a more elderly age, will die a GIRL.
I like the way you think Molly. Don’t back down!
Jill: age 58
nothing wrong with girl power!!
your ok with the term girl and people using it, but not very one is. There are certain people who will use a word, but not want to hear it come out of somebody else’s mouth. For example some African Americans call themselves and each other nigga’s, however I, being a half Japanesse half American, am not allowed to use that word. It offends people becuase I am not an African American. I’ve had friends who say its ok for me to use that word when talking with them, but i had situations where other people have overheard my conversation and acuse me of being a racist when i used that word. So even if you do tell me its ok to call you a girl i wouldn’t becuase it will offend someone and i might be accused of being a sexist. So I use “ma’am” and i will continue to use that term. I think its great that you dont get offended by the word “girl”, but its just one of the may words I can’t use becuase I am a male. So please don’t get pissed off if a male calls you “ma’am”, their just trying their best not to offend any one.
What about calling a girl “hey”? I feel it is wrong to say it
Rebbeca Says : What about calling a girl “hey”? I feel it is wrong to say it.
Many people use this and this is not polite.
thanks for your sharing