molly.com
Friday 22 April 2005
Going to Mom’s
I’M OFF TO VISIT MY MOTHER, and it’s a darned good time to do so. I need to be a kid for a few days, have someone else cook my meals and remind me I’m loved. Sometimes I forget. I’ve been having a crisis of confidence lately, and need some seeing to.
I will swim every day and not worry about deadlines, the ex who still wants my attention, the bills, the debt, my unending list of character flaws, I wonder if I ever will ever get being an adult right. Oh, I don’t mean I can’t get work done, I can be disciplined and very together that way. But I don’t show much discretion or graceful communication with other people. I’m blunt, I have a lack of appropriate boundaries. I push things at people fast and furious and expect to be met when my fast and my furious is overwhelming to most, and the few it’s not overwhelming to are faster and furiouser and end up overwhelming me.
Some people value these things about my character, I’m not so sure I like these so-called qualities. I’m not so sure they serve me so well. Of course, I learned or inherited those behaviors from my Mom. But she understands why I’m that way and there’s some comfort to be had over someone just understanding that my intentions are always good, but my delivery often sucks.
Do you ever want to be a child again? Just so you don’t have to deal with the bills, the demands, the conflicts of wanting to be a free spirit and realizing you have responsibility to others? To be able to say exactly what’s on your mind and have people think it’s “cute” rather than confusing or out of line or offensive?
I don’t mean act like a child, and I don’t mean embrace your inner child.
I mean just to be a child again, for a few precious moments where you can tell people you love them and they’ll tell you the same and it means something far more simple and real than anything so complex as what we create in our crazy, often unhappy and cruel, mostly confusing adult worlds.
So I’m going to Mom’s. I’ll swim every day, wait for the eclipse, and sit in the sun. It’s only for a weekend, but maybe I’ll feel free for a few hours, maybe I’ll feel loved.
Filed under: faith(less), travel
Posted by: Molly | 4:24 am |
April 22nd, 2005 at 5:29 am
Whoever said “You can never return home again” was an idiot.
Sometimes the only place you can return to is home, back to where there was safety and acceptance.
If you had that of course.
April 22nd, 2005 at 5:38 am
Spoken like someone truly of my own age. Hey, of which you are.
Have fun with Mom. And don’t forget to post her pic on Flickr.
April 22nd, 2005 at 6:30 am
Well. For me this going home is no possibility. My mom is a lunetic and I haven’t been home in many years.
April 22nd, 2005 at 8:23 am
That was a great post. I know what you mean. life is hectic sometimes, but it’s fun and there is more freedom as an adult. But you’re right; we have to slow down sometimes.
April 22nd, 2005 at 8:28 am
Molly, this is why I enjoy your blog writing, and blog writing by women, in general - because women don’t blog in vain, like men. Women write without worrying about how they appear, vs. the next guy.
It’s very refreshing.
How many guys could come out and say something so thoughtful, personal, and reflective, as this entry?
Not many. Guys are too worried about what other people will think of their posts, or how much notice the “blogging world” will take - just because they “spoke up.”
And, quite frequently, I am just as bad as the next guy.
Anyway… hope your weekend with you Mom is good. Today is actually my Mom’s birthday… So, cheers to mothers!
April 22nd, 2005 at 10:39 pm
I make it a priority to act like a child everyday.
April 23rd, 2005 at 8:57 am
Molly -
Yeah, there are times when I want to act like a child - perhaps go back to mom. But it would have to be somebody else’s mom.
April 23rd, 2005 at 11:12 am
Oh, the joys of no responsibility and home cooking. My mom sends home baked cakes over regularly, and my kids are always asking her to make cottage pie and apple crumble, (Are these peculiarly British meals? If so, they are old-fashioned, stodgy and enormously comforting!)
Have a great weekend!
April 24th, 2005 at 5:32 pm
Molly, I totally know that you mean. I just spent 3 days flat on the couch with a stomach virus, and I caught myself thinking more that once, “I wish my mom was here to take care of me!”
I love my husband to death, but no one is as good at taking care of me when I’m sick as my mom. She knows the right combination of pillows and soup, and knows how to bear the whining without being annoyed.
Have a good trip!
April 25th, 2005 at 12:53 am
I agree with Matthorn that a guy would never say anything like that - the reason however is because us guys haved never stopped being children!! My wife often calls me her 3 year old, even though I’m theoretically 42. And like all good mothers, mine still worries about me.
April 25th, 2005 at 10:48 am
Molly, loved this entry! This is truly what blogs are for.
For some of us it can never be the same as it was when we were eleven. But it feels good to know that some people can still experience that comfort and security… even if just for a weekend…
Hope you enjoyed the time with Mom!
April 25th, 2005 at 6:34 pm
Well said, Molly.
Coincidentally, I visited my 87 year old father in Montreal on the same weekend. Although he did not cook me any meals, I had a great visit as we roamed around the part of the city where he grew up in the Jazz crazy life that was Montreal of the 30’s & 40’s.
I did, however, have visions of my mom taking care of our needs as I relaxed in the family room of the house she ran until passing away 22 years ago.
Life throws many curve balls at us as we travel down our individual paths, but we all seem to hit a few along the way… it all works out in the end.
Remember to enjoy each day to the fullest, as they are all precious.
Regards from the Great White North !
April 26th, 2005 at 9:16 am
My grandparents make me feel like a loved child again. When they’re gone, man, I’m gonna be lost. When I’m with my actual parents I’m just a misunderstood adolescent all over again so I try to avoid THAT situation as much as possible, but when I’m with my grandparents I am fussed over and made cups of tea and given grapefruit frsh off the tree and Hershey’s Special Dark bars to take home.
April 26th, 2005 at 9:27 am
What I miss most about being a child–hell, a young man, in those halcyon daze at Pima College–is something I was not aware of at the time because it was too close to see: A sense of possibility, that I could do anything with my life, and probably something really cool.
Feeling loved & taken care of? That too…although I’ve had the good fortune to experience that mystically once or twice…it’s been a long time.
April 26th, 2005 at 9:28 am
Molly,
Last week I had something happen that is so difficult to accept that the life of Job is looking good. All I wanted was my mother, the one person who loved me unconditionally, to hold me and tell me everything would be okay.
I will tell you something that a wise woman told me (and that would be you!) - be your authentic self. And I would add, be proud of who you are.
Also, please do not doubt that you are loved.
April 29th, 2005 at 3:36 am
Hey Moll, can I come too?
April 29th, 2005 at 6:22 am
i have a few “moms” that i’ve gathered along the path…women who believe in me, know me well and love me for exactly who i am today. i treasure these friendships. indeed i call these women my mentors.
one of these women taught me how to create my own sanctuary…that safe place i can retreat and find peace, love and healing. and while i can still hop in the car and go to mom’s and feel that unconditional love in person…i realize i won’t always be able to do that.
so i have this philosophy…that indeed this world is all about love…as though we are in charlie’s chocolate factory and love is candy…it is all around us, pouring over us…all we have to do is reach out, open our mouths, be receptive. and when i can’t remember this philosophy on my own…i turn to my moms and my mentors and they help me open my eyes and my hands and my heart.
so, i hope that your cup is full of love, and overflowing now…(except for the hole left by fus…so sorry to hear about the loss of your furry friend)
April 1st, 2007 at 11:13 pm
Hey,
I just typed in that I was looking for somebody who would love me unconditionally and I found this blog.
I am the same way in terms of personality and wants.
It may not mean a lot to you but it has to me
Jesus loves you and think’s your special
Thanks for brightening up my day.
May 21st, 2007 at 11:13 pm
http://www.sh-scpv.com/ pump
http://www.sh-scpv.com/ china pump
May 22nd, 2007 at 2:04 am
http://www.sh-scpv.com/Diaphragm-Pumps.html Diaphragm Pumps
http://www.sh-scpv.com/Screw-Pumps.html Screw Pumps
January 29th, 2008 at 1:23 pm
thanx
January 31st, 2008 at 10:24 pm
To a good first approximation, Obama seems to be the sort of nominee you’re looking for
February 21st, 2008 at 6:59 am
http://www.pornizle.net
February 21st, 2008 at 6:59 am
http://www.pornizle.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:01 am
http://www.pornizle.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:03 am
www.core-proj.com
February 21st, 2008 at 7:03 am
www.core-proj.com
February 21st, 2008 at 7:04 am
http://www.yemakyap.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:05 am
http://www.yemakyap.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:05 am
http://www.yemakyap.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:06 am
http://www.pornizle.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:07 am
http://www.pornizle.net
February 21st, 2008 at 7:10 am
www.core-proj.com
February 21st, 2008 at 7:10 am
www.core-proj.com
March 30th, 2008 at 10:08 am
thanks
April 7th, 2008 at 2:25 am
it is easy to find it, i think u just search on google or yahoo
April 8th, 2008 at 6:27 am
but, i think it is another thing which you have
April 8th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
i like it
April 8th, 2008 at 9:24 pm
interesting, thanks
April 9th, 2008 at 6:39 am
do you know everything about css?
April 9th, 2008 at 2:34 pm
how can i find everything about css?
April 10th, 2008 at 5:18 am
what do you want to learn about css? we can help easily
April 11th, 2008 at 8:35 am
i want learn too, i want start at the beginning of css
April 21st, 2008 at 2:30 pm
it is good t see u
April 21st, 2008 at 6:41 pm
thats the matter i want to learn
April 21st, 2008 at 10:49 pm
ok,thanks
April 24th, 2008 at 6:10 am
hi, umit. how is going on