molly.com
Thursday 25 December 2003
of glad tidings and sad divisions
“It’s hard to be a Jew on Christmas.
My friends won’t let me join in any games.
And I can’t sing Christmas songs,
or decorate a Christmas tree,
or leave water out for Rudolph
cause there’s something wrong with me.
My people don’t believe in Jesus Christ’s divinity.”- Sung by Kyle from South Park
To all my friends celebrating Christmas today, I wish you tidings of comfort and abundant joy.
As a Jew, I have extremely mixed feelings about Christmas. It is the one holiday where the fact that I am a Jew really seems to come to the surface as an issue. One could almost suggest that at least here in the United States, Christmas is perceived by an apparently vast majority of people to be a national rather than a religious holiday.
My country is one that was founded in part on the ideal of religious freedom. And it’s true that most Jews in the U.S. practice without interference or problems. Although of course there have been some terrible breaches of that, generally speaking, Jews live a very good life here.
But during Christmas, a division seems to occur. Everywhere one goes, “Merry Christmas” dominates the topic: In restaurants, in shops, in the grocery. Far more troublesome is when people who know I’m Jewish send me Christmas greetings and cards with Christian messages and symbols on them.
Over the years I’ve struggled with how to deal with this. I’ve spoken to other Jews – family members, friends. There are a lot of different opinions, ranging from “smile it on” to “take an aggressive stance and speak up.” Some suggest joining my friends in their Christmas activities, others advocate a vocal protest. After all, they suggest, this is clearly a social problem in a land where multiple cultures and multiple expressions of spirituality are supposedly encouraged to co-exist.
These divisions cut deep. I have one family member who nearly married a Catholic woman, and it was an argument about Christmas and how they would spend it, and subsequently how they would raise their children to spend it that instigated the deterioration of their relationship.
When I get a card with Christian symbols that comes from someone who knows I’m Jewish I feel a dangerous anger. Some years ago someone said to me how sorry they felt that I “missed out” on the presents and all the great things that Christmas is. I wanted to scream in fury at them, to strike out in an inappropriate rage. Did they ever stop once and think that I am fulfilled by my own practices?
Here is a snippet of conversation I had this past weekend with someone close to me, and who has known of my problems with this issue for years now:
“ So Molly, Christmas really, really has no significance to you?”
“ Does Chanuka have significance to you?” was meant to be my somewhat diplomatic reply, for which I received a gravid silence.
I didn’t want to come across as terse, but while this person had an expectation of presents and acknowledgements from me because of Christmas, there was absolutely no acknowledgement even after years of discussion that perhaps I, too, would have enjoyed having my spirituality and practices included.
My problem is not with Christmas as a holy and spiritual day. I have no issues with those who celebrate, and if anything I am enriched by the music, beauty, and grace that the spiritual expressions of Christmas can embody.
I am however deeply disturbed by the integration of Christmas into the fabric of American life. I’m not even convinced the particular form in which it manifests (buy! give! get! stuff! more stuff!) has anything to do with the spirituality or holiness of the day, and that’s disturbing too.
I’ve often felt (to quote Patti Smith) “outside of society.” I’m quite practiced on being on the outside of things. But the division lines I experience during this particular season seem different. Instead of feeling isolated, I feel marginalized because my faith and practice is of a different ilk than the majority of my society.
To all my friends celebrating Christmas today, I again wish you every happiness and spiritual joy. Next year, please remember that my Judaism brings me happiness and joy. So in the true spirit of this great country, in the magnanimity found in people all over the world, I hope that all beliefs can in some way be acknowledged and celebrated, too.
Filed under: faith(less)
Posted by: site admin | 06:29 | Comments (46)
Well written post. Let just wish you a happy holiday.
Very well expressed as usual. When I was introduced to what is now called First Nations-Tradtional values and spiritual practices-the divide in my family became acute. Later, even among those that claim to be F.B.I. (full bloods) I was exposed to a form of skeptical cultural predjudice. It rings true with any part of our perceptions of what the reality of belonging to a living culture means. My own parents were so ashamed of “that side of the family” I was never exposed to anyone, even my Maternal Grandmother, until it was nessicary and then i met relatives I never even knew existed. But as you mentioned, even there i depended on How they percieved coopted cultural values and practices or did not even consider them in a world that says- “with Liberty and Justice for All”- but practices that even with agendas or conditions. At the VA spinal cord ward I was asked by the visiting Chaplain- “I see you are listed as Non-Christian” on your records.” I tried to explain I followed Traditional Native Cultural Values and Spirituality as I was Taught and continued to discover. the Relpy was “Well, let me know when you want to be saved”. anyay, you are right on the spot with the statment about how some things become a national tradition that is expected to be accepted by those that may not hold that perspective, even if it has become skewed in its interpritations. It is like the meaning of the American Flag in some other Countries. I make a lot of attemts at satrical comments, this time i can not. Look at how the mere fact of being non-Christian or admitting a “difference”- brings with it a whole myriad of sterotypical and predjuical inuendos. It has nothing to do with feeling victimized. It has to do with being granted the “Freedom and Justice” that is supposed to be the birthright of every sentient being on this planet. sorry this was so long and hope it made sense. Good on ALL.
I celebrate Christmas, although I am an agnostic. I believe in the ability of people to be good, and I celebrate that feeling through the holidays.
On my blog, I wished a happy holiday season to all regardless of what holiday the celebrate – or don’t (I have a friend who’s Jehovah’s Witness, and doesn’t celebrate holidays).
To me, the phrase “Merry Christmas” is meant not as a slight to another person’s beliefs, but an effort to share my happiness with others. I celebrate one holiday, and share that with others, not expecting anything from them. If I pass someone and wish “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” and they reply “Happy Chanuka”, to me that’s two people of two belief systems sharing joy. It’s a beautiful thing. But that’s me.
You’re right in that Christmas takes over the holidays in this country, but Christmas is, for the most part, not about religion anymore. It’s about commerce. And I say that as a “conservative” who believes in commerce.
Happy Chanuka, Molly.
I’m with Keith on this one – when I wished you ‘Happy Christmas’, Mol, I wasn’t thinking of Christian things at all – it’s just a nice holiday where we all get together, have a great time, and swap presents.
To be honest, although I associate Nativity Plays and all that with Crimbo, I still don’t associate it with Christian beliefs. It’s hard to explain, but I see it more as a story, than the basis for a religion.
I don’t buy into religion, but the stories are so familiar to me, that they’re more like fairy tales than anything else. Part of my childhood, whether I want them or not.
So, greetings at this time of year are an expression of hapiness, and a hope that others are happy to, regardless of why.
Happy Christmas, Happy Chanuka, Happy Meal, Happy Days are Here Again – whatever, I’m happy, and I hope you are too
)
xxx
Funny… we have different beliefs but arrived at the similar conclusions.
I am Christian and that’s the reason I do NOT make any big deal about Xmas… There’s really nothing Christian about it. It was originally a pagan holiday, was married into the church along with other pagan holidays and customs to make converting pagans to Christianity simpler.
Sure, people will tell you Jesus birth is the “reason for the season”… really? Interesting since noone knows when he was born and it was more likely spring or fall (though none can be sure). Seems more like the Winter Solstice to me.
The tree? What’s that got to do with Christians? Giving gifts? (Getting gifts… gimme, gimme mentality…) Same thing. Not a thing to do with the thing it’s supposed to represent… Frankly, I don’t see a thing about it that’s Christian… Santa?? I mean what the heck is HE?
(Coca Cola’s version of Saint Nick I guess) I do think of it as “just a national holiday”… LOL
It really has no other worth in my mind. A couple national “days off work” and forced assembling of extended family (which depending on your own family can be a positive or negative). That’s Xmas to me. I didn’t receive one thing yesterday (though mom did mail me a check earlier in the week)… I will go to do a bit of shopping over the weekend since the sales will be good for my sorely lacking wardrobe.
(I hate shopping!)
Hope you had a good holiday Molly! I certainly understand your frustration. I’ve pretty much always felt “on the outside” … with the way I choose to live my life and my belief system, so I’ve pretty much learned to ignore it all… but I can see how it could be annoying…
Hope your Chanuka was lovely.
I am Jewish, and most of my friends aren’t. So this week, I have eaten a traditional Christmas dinner (minus the glazed ham, of course) with a friend’s family, and I have had that same friend attend a traditional Chanukah dinner at my house. People who know me greet me with “Happy Chanukah”, and I respond with “Merry Christmas”. Or “Feliz Navidad”. Or “Joyous Kwanzaa”. Or simply “Have a happy new year.” I believe that at this time of year we learn more about each other’s faiths and traditions than at any other time. That’s why I like the holiday season – communication is never more open than it is during the last weeks of December.
People who know I’m Jewish wish me Happy Chanukah. People who don’t know wish me Merry Christmas, but it doesn’t bother me, because I know that the sentiment behind their words is the same as the wish behind the words “Happy Chanukah”, “Joyous Kwanzaa”, and all the rest: Have a wonderful holiday season, have a good year, and I hope that everything is going well and continues to go well for you and yours.
You go girl. Maybe you should give the thoughtless ones one of those naked Santa cards. Did you get the Torah link I sent you? Where the Rabbi, based I think on Josephus and the Talmud, clears up the true relation between Xmas and Hannukah? (Sound bite version for other readers: Xmas is indeed the Pagan Solar holiday of the Winter Solstice; the Seleucid Greeks defiled the Temple on that date on purpose, to rub the Jews’ noses in it; the real miracle of Hannukah was the victory of a few under-supplied insurgents against a superpower; the Macabbees, after their victory, waited until the next Solstice holiday to rededicate the Temple in order to affirm their victory over secularism)
Christmas, more than most other sectarian-masquerading-as-secular holidays in the US, illustrates the need fanatics have to win the argument over what others ought to beleive.
Gut Yule!
Molly, I thought this was nicely expressed, and I have a number of Jewish friends who feel the same way.
My boyfriend’s mom is Lutheran and his dad is Jewish. He went to Jewish school growing up, but they celebrated both Christmas and Hannukah in the home.
He continues to celebrate both holidays now, but neither of us is religious and we find ourselves going through the motions every year.
Even though I was raised Catholic I don’t get excited about Christmas. There is a lot of commercial hype and pressure that seems to start earlier each year. This year my boyfriend and I got so sick of it that we wanted to go missing until New Year’s Day.
This isn’t meant as an affront to people who celebrate and enjoy Christmas. But it is a religious holiday and as such I wish it were celebrated quietly, without fanfare and without commercial hype.
I live in Jerusalem and I love Christmas. I have to admit I always loved it more than Chanukah. I loved Christmas trees and their plump red decorations much more than I ever loved the Chanukkiah. Christmas is *fun*! Chanukah is sort of devotional. The singing is much more beautiful – Christmas carols have all Europe’s folk music behind them while Maotzur is annoying. Am I a self-hating Jew? Well, I live in Jerusalem so I have the Yid-cred to say these things, right?
I know that Jews find the hypocrisy and sentimentality of Christmas a bit nauseating. But I like how pagan it is. A poster above makes a point of trying to belittle Christmas by showing its deep roots in previous religions’ rituals. But doesn’t that make it even more of a fundamental Northern hemisphere thing?
Both refer to miracles happened right around here, but only Xmas gets the department store windows all dolled up.
You should’ve told the person who consoled you for not being able to enjoy Christmas that for some Jews, a celebration of nearly the same magnitude occurs every week. As a child I attended a Jewish sleep away camp, and Shabbat every week was like Christmas for me, without, of course, the gifts. Friday night was happy songs, Saturday lunch was more happy songs, Saturday night was the sad songs to mourn the passing of Shabbat, but immediately afterwards the boombox went on and we enjoyed an hour or so of really fun modern and not-so-modern Israeli dancing. As a child that, along with the traditional foods and prayers, held the same magic for me as Christmas could possibly hold for any child.
Having grown up in Cleveland, I understand your comments about the Christmas barrage.
Cleveland is no longer where I live. Since the mid 1970s Jerusalem has been my home. Here, the 25th of December comes and goes, and isn’t even noticed. I, in my Jewish environment, feel proud and content being a Jew, and don’t have any awareness of “those other” songs and customs.
“Those other”, in my opinion, is part of the problem. There’s nothing wrong at all with being proud of your heritage, your religion, your morals.
It’s when you begin labeling “us” and “them” that we create the problem we’re currently discussing.
“Us” and “them” and ignoring / demonizing something or someone different is the way the world is, I understand. Building bridges between cultures cannot occur as long as we consider practices, customs, and people “those other”.
Thanks for sharing your inner thoughts. I was born into a Catholic family and have great difficulty at Christmas because of the rush of sentiments that are stuffed/squeezed into that one day of the year. Frankly it is almost too much sometimes! Your ‘from-without’ perspective on the feast was enlightening and a helpful reminder that even in festive, albeit stressful times, it is important for me and my family to be sensitive to other traditions.
Not being Xtian, I too used to rail against Xmas (“Not my damn holiday!”), but I gave in for the reasons many gave above.
Scratch that. I gave in for the pie.
Yes, it’s annoying that right-wings WASPs win everything (including holidays). I just smile, listen to their quaint myths about talking snakes in apple trees, pregnant virgins and frog storms, and move on.
As a Jew, I’ve often found Christmastime to be a vaguely lonely time of year. It’s not that my Christian friends and neighbors haven’t been extremely welcoming and inclusive of me; rather, since I can’t really partake of the spiritual essence of the holiday I can’t help but feel a little left out.
My five-year-old son has the usual issues with how his observance of Chanukah sets him apart from his classmates and friends, and what the meaning of his Jewish identity is. Definitely a parenting challenge there!
It’s a tragic misunderstanding of spiritual reality to force any belief upon others. I often wonder as to what is going on in our society, regarding spiritual beliefs. I’m Catholic, and even the differences and understandings between Catholic and Protestants is offensive at times, or between pagans and Catholics. For instance, to relegate Christmas as an expropriation of a pagan holiday demonstrates (admittedly maybe to me only,) as much a lack of understanding of it’s proflund spiritual depths, as if one were to say the same of Judaism and the paganism of the Canaanites and the ancient near east some three thousand years ago. The spiritual has to work through the natural… how else on earth would it work?
At any rate, you’re not alone in finding the public interpretations of Christmas to be offensive. Most of what is publically celebrated as Christmas is actually Advent, a time of preparation for the week long holiday of Christmas; a fairly gentle time which Christians are currently celebrating as most of the populace says ‘Thank God Xmas is over. Happy Kwaanzah!’
Light some candles, drink some wine, and celebrate your spiritual heritage to its fullest. And thanks for sharing the perpsective.
Dang, Dave the last time it rained Frogs here in Skunk Hollow, we all got out our habachis and had a feast. yep, that X-time is past. Now all we got to go through is the barrage of all the News programs recanting a year we might all wish we could forget. Humm, i was trying to comtemplate my navel the other day and discoverd that I dont have one. Either it was surgically removed sometime or there could be some Mythical implications there somewhere. bee safe all. Radio Free Oklamoma, out- one of them talking snakes climbed up into the tower and fried the transmitter.
Ray –
I put your navel on e-bay this morning. Minimum bid was 2 bucks. I’ll split anything over that with ya.
Sorry to hear of your loss, Ray. I tried to contemplate the navel of an orange once, but it was a fruitless attempt. [collective groan]
Hummmm, Dave, I have spent years trying to discover if the “Navel of the World” is an innie or an outie. However these things wax transcendental, and I am afraid all things have become Simonized enough. I almost became a mystic at one point in life, but like you, gave up for the pie. ~{;P
Me again. I’m not anti-Xmas, per se; I just agree with Molly that it’s very tasteless to beat a non-Xian over the head with Xmas. And it’s delusional to theink that Xmas is “the same” as Hannukah. I enjoy Xmas for time with family & friends, feasting, % its PAGAN roots.
Molly, you need to see “Bad Santa” with Billy Bob Thornton.
I don’t mind hearing “Merry Christmas” so much. I do occasionally get annoyed that I would have to take a day off work if I wanted to celebrate the Jewish high holy days, while official vacation days happily coincide with Christmas and Easter.
Since I’m agnostic and not practicing, it doesn’t effect my life that much. Still, I’m envious of non-practicing Christians who have the option of celebrating Christmas out of nostalgia, a belief in the spirit of the holiday, etc. Sometimes I think I’d like to observe Yom Kippur, even though I’m no longer a believer, because I like what it represents. But I’d feel guilty playing hooky from work to do it.
The very sort of stigma and/or bias/bigotry heads both ways, folks.
As I said, I’m an agnostic, so I really don’t have a strong reaction to some of the things said here other than to say that to denegrate another custom by calling Christians “Xians” and imply that they have no right to feel the same way about Christmas as others do about Chanuka because “delusional to theink that Xmas is ‘the same’ as Hannukah”.
Clearly, it’s not the same. It’s completely different. However folks feel the same about their important customs as any other culture/religion does.
And let’s clear one other thing up, shall we? All religious customs have their roots in “pagan” dogma. Just as all religions do. Cavemen did not observe sabbath or sing hymns or bow before a statue of a virgin or draw either crosses or stars of david on cave walls. All religions evolved from earlier ones, and all have roots that can be muddied with hyperbole and conjecture if we look for the ties close enough.
This is not meant to be a flame. It’s only meant to point out that some of the “enlightened” and those decrying the lack of focus for their customs and the greater focus on “those other” customs should perhaps make their own point instead of trying so hard to tear everyone else down.
I don’t say “Xian” or “Xmas” to knock anyone. “X” (a cross) is shorthand for Christ. Neutral.
Great comments Molly!
As a Christian growing up in a Jewish neighborhood, I was exposed to the Jewish faith early on in life as many of my closest friends were Jewish. I attended many bar mitzfahs (sp?) and learned to appreciate the meaning of Chanuka. I am disgusted by the commercialization of the Christmas holiday and how the true meaning of the birth of Jesus gets lost amid the hoopla of spending money on gifts.
Also, we need to remember that Jesus was a Jewish carpenter and that Christianity and Judaism will be forever linked together through Him.
God Bless You and your family!
Hi Molly. I see this aricle now. Well written article
Thanks for it
I think the realities are that America is primarily a christian country. Also it is the largest capitalist country ever to have been on the planet. When you take these things into considration, it is not surprising Xmas is everywhere. When the vast majority of people n a country are a certain religion, it is wrong to not expect to enounter that religion in everday life but particularly on a day of celebration for that particular religion. If I lived in china would it be reasonable of me to be offended at people wishing me a tradition buddhist greeting on their ‘holy day’? Ofcourse it wouldn’t.
I think Ruth summed it up perfectly. Just take it in the vain it is meant; which is a wish of good cheer on you
I have Jewish friends that come to our xmas parties and for them (and us actually hehe) it is simply a time to be with friends and enjoy the friendship. I have been to their Chanuka celebrations and approached it the same light. I know they mean no offence when they say ‘Happy Chunaka’ to me.
Having said all that I must also say I am an athiest lol.
Just remind yourself that people sending you cards etc are doing it with the right intentions.
In the end, a good heart is what really matters.
You guys are all losers. Christmas is the best, it’s about Jesus, there is no messiah for the Jews, you live in a Christian society, and you always will. Merry Christmas.
http://www.hbclqc.com
a late comment.thanks molly for this nice article
This article is very interesting and written by some clever guy.:) Thank you!
ok thanks
nice
3. cadde
ok
I think you are just a whiney little Jew…..Boo Hoo
I agree with Bruce.
America is a predominantly Christian country. Some countries you can be punished in for not “joining in” with the religious festivals of that country, so revel in your rights to practice your own beliefs instead of sniping at people who are trying to (perhaps mistakenly) include you in their customs!
You did not once in the article state that people spitefully send you Christmas cards, wish u greetings just to taunt you because you are Jewish, so just take it as one of life’s MINOR unpleasantries.
Perhaps it would be wise not to send Jews Christmas cards but not everyone goes through that thought process – especially if they are not religious in any way themselves!
I can understand it could be a lonely time, but take comfort in the fact that it’s only your religion (something which you are proud of) which makes you different and it’s not real lonliness.
Christmas is so commercialised nowadays that I have more sympathy for real practicing Christians than for you, but I can understand your point.
thanks
Having grown up in Cleveland, I understand your comments about the Christmas barrage.
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