molly.com
Monday 10 November 2003
bring salad and wife
Ever have one of those Freudian slip moments? Apparently, while jotting down plans for dinner with a friend on my wall calendar, I did. Instead of “bring salad and wine” I wrote “bring salad and wife.”
I don’t have a wife, never thought about having a wife, not sure if I could have one that I would have one (unless it was in the form of a big, burly, otherwise very masculine guy taking care of life while I kept my career . . . ). But there you have it. Or maybe I just see wine as my true companion? That’d sure be a lot closer to the truth.
The best Freudian moment lines in the comment section below (email not fair, you have to share) will get a book! We’ll take a poll to see which one is funniest.
Filed under: general
Posted by: site admin | 2:36 am |
November 10th, 2003 at 3:42 am
Denial of my heavy drinking often results in Freudian sips.
November 10th, 2003 at 8:05 am
In high school I dated a guy who was really awesome, and one afternoon we were having a long phone conversation (proof of his awesomeness) when I exclaimed, “I’m so glad I married a guy like you!” Now what I meant to say was, “I’m so glad I’m dating a guy like you.” Oops! It didn’t seem to deter him, though. We celebrated our first wedding anniversary in June.
November 10th, 2003 at 8:58 am
Many years ago, on a date that was progressing rather well, I was led back to this lovely woman’s bedroom and she began doing a very sexy striptease.
Unbeknownst to her, an enormous Carpenter Ant was on the wall right beside her, Huge. To this day, I’ve never seen an ant that large.
Interrupting her little show, I yelped out, “Oh my God! That’s the biggest ass I’ve ever seen.”
November 11th, 2003 at 5:01 am
I was once working part-time for a company that I’d previously built a Website for. The guy I was working for was a real jackass - not because he was demanding, I was fine with that - he was just a real jackass who belittled his employees to get what he wanted out of them.
Long story short, this guy called me one night (meaning about 11:30pm,) and demanded that I make changes to the site regarding a big holiday sale that he’d dreamed up a week ago and that I have it done by start of business the next day (including “Christmassy” graphics).
Needless to say, I was a bit pissed. I did the graphics/images first, because I figured I needed my brain more for that, and about 2am started on the text - still pissed.
Well, you can probably tell where this is going. While writing, I somehow added “fuck this shit, I’m going to bed” in one paragraph. Not to any sentence, just right in the middle of the paragraph hanging out there.
Next morning, John Doe (the owner for sake of not getting sued) called and said that he’d found the bit of text. I looked at my copy of the page, and almost choked. When John spoke again, he said, “Have we been hacked by the competition?”
“By god, we probably have, John,” I said, “I’m going to change that back the way it should be and call the Webhost about the security there.”
November 11th, 2003 at 5:17 am
I have two that I think are good…..
1. (You have to pay attention to this….) After my boyfriend moved to Florida, I went to visit. We went to his brother’s girlfriend’s house on the 4th of July. We went on her father’s boat to watch the fireworks and drink and be merry. When we got back we went swimming in the pool.
I saw my boyfriend dive into the pool. Feeling frisky I dove in too, grabbed his swimming trunks and yanked them down to his ankles. When I came up for air I saw my boyfriend sitting at the edge of the pool shaking his head at me. I had just yanked trou on my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend’s father. When her dad came up for air he looked at me and said “If you do that again, I’ll write you a check.”
My boyfriend wouldn’t speak to me for the rest of the night.
2. My husband and I had been driving all day and were tired. We stopped at The Outback to eat. When I walked in there were two people waiting to greet us. One had a clipboard and was going to take my name to put on the waiting list. I was about to say “Two for Bob” when she asked me the name first. I had a brain fart and combined the two. I looked at her and said, “Boob.” I laughed the entire time we were waiting, the whole time we were eating and when I saw them as we were leaving I was almost hysterical with laughter. I guess you had to be there, but it’s making me laugh now!
November 11th, 2003 at 7:03 am
Why, I’m big, burly and masculine merely thinking about a free Molly book.
In fifth grade history we were taking turns reading aloud as the rebels approached Boston Harbor, the excitement mounted. My turned pounced upon me, even as I percieved myself so aware…; … “And the shits floated into the harbor…”
As a class we froze at my unexpected misreading of the text. Thankfully an ancient nun guided us to dock.
Otro vez; while spending several months in Peru, I thought to show off my great knowledge of Spanish. So I started excusing myself by saying ‘Scuse me!” in Spanish, which of course brought me to say “esculpit!” (which it’s not.)
It actually means ‘Spit!”
You might imagine if a huge foreinger burst in upon you and told you rather innocently in a strange accent, “Spit!”
November 12th, 2003 at 11:29 am
Not precisely Freudian,but terrible anyway. I work in a call center and one afternoon was sitting near a woman who punctuated every phone interaction with smarmy faux pleasantries and an annoyingly hideous cackle. Now, I’m not normally an unkind person but this was truly driving me insane. After about an hour of it, I scrawled a little note to a friend sitting next to me and nodded in the direction of the offending laugh. The note read “My god. That laugh. It’s hideous.” I giggled to my friend and he back, so I thought that all was well.
Later,in the break room, my friend asks “So what was that note about,anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“The note you had me pass to that woman?”
Turns out he never read it: thought I’d nodded toward her because I wanted him to pass it to her. So he did.
Thank god she was gracious enough not to say anything, but I don’t think we’ll be sitting in that set of cubicles anymore…
November 13th, 2003 at 5:54 am
At a previous job, I had meant to ask my boss, “Could I please have next Friday off?”
Instead, I committed a little Freudian slip and accidentally said, “Could I please have next oh my gosh you incompetent moron, you’re running this company into the ground! Can’t you do anything right?”
November 13th, 2003 at 6:23 am
One day my dad drove to the French border and saw a convoy of French tanks drive by. Being a tourist from America he was trigger happy with a camera and started taking pictures of the passing vehicles. This was observed by the French border guards and, needless to say, they were not happy.
One of the officers came to the vehicle and started babbling in his native tongue presumably telling Dad he couldn’t do that. Dad thought a well crafted lie was in order, so digging into the recesses of his mind, he crafted a French sentence from his one class of high-school language studies. It was at this crucial moment that the Freudian slip appeared. In his best French dialect he said, or so he thought, “I was taking pictures of the scenery.” The officer suddenly stopped, looked at him with a puzzled expression, muttered something under his breath, and stormed off.
Dad remarked, “That went well” and drove off. He hadn’t gotten 100 yards away when he burst into gales of laughter. He realized that instead of saying, “I was taking pictures of the scenery,” he said, “I was taking pictures of the throw-up.”
Needless to say, he never lived that moment down.
November 13th, 2003 at 10:23 am
While on my honeymoon in the Canadian Rockies, my new wife and I were staying at a bed and breakfast. On my way out to the car to retreive something, I came down the stairs to the entry way where the owner and his wife were greeting a new couple that had just arrived. The couple, in their late twenties, were visiting from France and the woman was dressed in a tight somewhat revealing top.
As I came down the stairs, the owner turned to the woman and said, “Let me introduce you to one of our other guests, Breast, err.. I mean… err… Brent!” He promptly turned bright red and we all had a good chuckle!
November 15th, 2003 at 6:52 am
My husband and I adopted three wonderful girls from Russia 3 1/2 years ago. While we taught them English, we also had them memorizing bible verses. One day they were being particularly disrespectful (they are not very often) and I asked them what the bible says about how one should treat their parents. (Honour your mother and father). The 10 year old blurted out “I know! Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you.” She had no idea what she had just said, but we were rolling on the floor laughing. She thinks that story is great, now, two years later.
November 17th, 2003 at 9:54 am
Not exactly a slip.. in our old house, we had exactly one bathroom. I was in there, sitting, reading a very engrossing life of Thomas Jefferson. My wife said, outside the closed door, “Is it safe to come in there?” (i.e. smelly) .. I blurted out, “We hold these poops to be self-evident.”
November 21st, 2003 at 2:04 am
One time while I was buying some stuff at Circle K I grabbed one of those little chocolate covered cherries at the checkout counter just as the girl was finishing ringing up my purchase. I asked, “did you get my cherry”?
November 21st, 2003 at 11:47 am
When working at a grocery store as a food clerk, I often partcipated in the art known as “bagging groceries”. Among the usual slew of questions I was supposed to ask the customers (i.e. paper or plastic) was whether or not they wanted their gallon milk placed in a bag. But rather than saying “Would you like me to bag your milks?” I asked a lady “Would you like me to milk your bags?” Fourteen shades of red…