molly.com
Sunday 26 October 2003
revealing all online: an experiment in authentic living
People often ask me why I’m so willing to discuss personal, uncomfortable, irreverent or otherwise not-professional issues right here on my home page. It’s a good question, and one that has challenged me over time. Would I do better professionally if I were less “raw” in my writings? Is it appropriate for me to be living life so openly? Is it safe?
At some point I’m going to have the time to write up a more organized bit on this topic, but I do have some key points on this issue today.
- My circle of friends gets broader, deeper, and more beautiful every day. This is of course true from way back in the days of BBSs. The best friends and colleagues I have today have come from contact born of this site, or via extended relationships from earlier times that might never have survived in an unwired world.
- Authenticity in content weeds out potentially difficult clients. If I can’t be myself with a client, then I will be unhappy and unproductive, which in turn will make the client unhappy and mad at me. One of the most valuable aspects of having a personal slant to my weblog and web sites is that if I’ve offended you here, it’s likely I’ll offend you in person. So we get that out of the way before any contracts are signed!
- For me, privacy is dead. Now, I’m not a parent, so I cannot address this from a protective sense. But in my experience, the only way I’ve been able to deal with fear is to be as completely vulnerable and real in its face as I can. While it doesn’t make fear go away, it is an exercise in freedom to look your fears right in the eye.
I imagine some of my perspectives would change if I were in a situation where I had to protect other people. But in my life I have the unexpected luxury of experimenting in the online medium. And so I must.
After over 10 years of working on the web, and nearly 4 years of keeping a weblog, I maintain that this process has been an extraordinary experience that nourishes and expands me in profound ways. What do you think?
Filed under: faith(less)
Posted by: site admin | 4:19 am |
October 26th, 2003 at 4:44 am
Friends are something that you, personally, prize very highly. Good friends know you for who you are, and enjoy that relationship.
Part and parcel of who you are is a person who is open with her feelings and thoughts. Your friends may very well love this about you, and depend on it in some small way.
Is that unusual today? Probably. Is it wrong? Heavans no. In fact, I would submit to you that there are folks out there who only wish they could be as open and approachable as you.
Rock on, babe.
October 26th, 2003 at 11:38 am
Fear and privacy on the web are like facing down the Little Red Monkey. At first, there is a demented, sardonic, dangerous feeling with Satanic and conspiratorial overtones, then there is a deluded sense of control, then eventually, you befriend it and invite it for tea.
http://www.jasoncrystal.com/monkey/little_red_monkey.swf
It is admirable that you do not attempt to cage or avoid your fears. “Relationships” with any emotion, circumstance, or belief are personified reflections of other types of human interactions among individuals or groups. How you handle one affects the other, whether or not it filters or enhances your client relationships. It’s bound to lead to a path of greater self-awareness and put you in a better place, not to mention the inherent value of the associated honesty, with or without the disclosure.
ps. The cathartic and symbolic power of the Little Red Monkey is not to be overlooked!
October 27th, 2003 at 1:45 am
If you don’t have any secrets, who’s going to blackmail you? }:-)>
We’ve talked about this in person, & I’ll repeat it here: one of the things I’ve always liked about you, Molly, is your no-bullshit openness…
October 27th, 2003 at 5:59 am
if I’ve offended you here, it’s likely I’ll offend you in person.
That line alone is reason enough for you to have a blog.
October 27th, 2003 at 8:04 am
I don’t have a blog, but I tend to be more open than not on the BBS I frequent. (Yes! They still exist!) Every once in a while I post something deeply and embarrassingly personal and wonder if I should have. So far it’s always been worth it. Amazing how, when you confess some flaw or problem you thought was specific only to you, many other people will admit they’ve been in the same boat.
I do have to be careful of what I post when it involves other people. It may be theraputic for me to ask for advice on how to help a friend who’s going through problem X, but said friend might not want to be outted, and leaving out the friend’s name isn’t always enough to protect his/her privacy.
What have you done in situations like that?
October 28th, 2003 at 5:32 am
Ditto what Phil said.
If it weren’t for blogs, I would never have known what atrocious grammar I have. No one utters a word about my personal foibles, but misuse the subjunctive and they’re all over me.
November 4th, 2003 at 9:05 am
“One of the most valuable aspects of having a personal slant to my weblog and web sites is that if I’ve offended you here, it’s likely I’ll offend you in person. So we get that out of the way before any contracts are signed!” That is how I feel about this matter too.
Although I don’t publish personal content on my business site, my personal site is fairly easy to find (it being my name with a .co.uk stuck on the end) and I know that clients and potential clients have read my blog, and maybe it put some potential clients off, but I also know that I have clients who approached me without ever seeing my business site - because they thought we would get on well … so you win some you lose some
November 12th, 2003 at 1:11 am
Absolutely love the Net and wish I had taken the plunge earlier than I did in 1996. Although I found my earlier online days fun they pale in comparison to the pure enjoyment I gain from blogs. Little did I think back in ‘96 that I could see opinions on the latest news event, gadget or film literally from around a world.
There are down sides to everything, and the downside to blog keeping are the cliques and arguments that can easily form. My view is that if I don’t like or agree with someone’s opinion or moral stance I stop reading the site, pure and simple, although I do leave comments if its something technical like css or something of a similar nature.
November 9th, 2004 at 4:01 am
Molly, I’m on your site for more than 1 hr, I’m excited to have found out this personal blog site of yours… I appreciate all your posting initiatives, I do see that you’ve been a regular blogger, and dedicated blogger,, and I see that you blog openheartedly! That’s infact the real spirit a blogger needs to have while speaking to the whole world while blogging! I think I’ve to learn a lot from YOU.
Thanks. I’ll keep in touch with you through your blog site and through emails as well. You’re doing a great job! Keep it up!
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