molly.com
Tuesday 26 August 2003
wandering jewess
I’m well into my 40th year and I simply do not know what I want to do with my life. Stay in the “industry”? Everyone knows it’s been very difficult, and I’m tired of feeling like I’m a hamster in perpetual motion. I love writing and I love the Web and I don’t want to remove myself from it, but at the same time, something is missing from life.
I need goals. I need a plan. And I mean beyond making a book or article deadline. I mean like I should be focused on some thing. But what?
The only real possibility I’m aware of currently that would give me a real goal would be to go back to school to get my Ph.D.
This isn’t at all an easy subject for me to broach. I’ve been struggling with this for a long time and I figured I’d toss the issue out there and see what others
had to say about it.
Filed under: general
Posted by: site admin | 6:11 am |
August 26th, 2003 at 8:07 am
You’re not alone. I think we all have moments when we feel like a hamster in perpetual motion, and feel there has to be more to life than this. This is especially true when you have your nose to the wheel grind, and retire at the end of the day wondering what it’s all about. Forgive me for the clichés, but - “the grass is always greener on the other side”, and “careful what you wish, as it may come true”.
Going for a PhD would be fulfilling, and needn’t necessarily mean you’ll be away from us. Doctorates require you to publish your findings, and with your writing style, it would make a refreshing change from the normal standard of publications.
I’m sure whatever you decide; it will be for the best. Sometimes, nothing but breaking free of what we come to perceive as shackles, can free our minds and souls. Others may not understand or support us, but you have to do what you’re most comfortable with, providing you’ve carefully considered the consequences.
I’ve been quite depressed lately, and have felt myself slide lower and lower. I’ve done things that I’m really ashamed of, and would never have done in my previous self. It got to the stage where I knew I had to do something about it, but didn’t know what. I just knew I needed an outlet. In the end, I decided to vent the energy through exercise, and have started jogging again. My aim is to run a marathon next year. I’ve only been at it for three weeks, but feel much better mentally already. The only problem is that I smoke, and it’s a bastard trying to run with ash falling in your face. I don’t know what I’ll do when I actually try a marathon, as I don’t like the idea of anyone overtaking me when I stop to light one up. I guess what I’m trying to say is, run around naked, it’s great, but could you send me the pics please
The Web won’t be the same without you, Molly, but you have to do what’s right for you. I hope you discover what you really want, and I hope it doesn’t lead you too far away from the people you’ve inspired.
Lots of love @ you
August 26th, 2003 at 9:20 am
Well, as much as I encourage anyone to run around naked more, I voted for Keep Writing and Speaking, Molly.
What is it that a PhD would bring you that you don’t have, now? I can’t imagine the argument that you lose today because you’re “only” the author of a shelf of books on HTML and design that you would win if you were Doctor Molly.
I’d say more, but I haven’t seen the latest Napster movie and it’s almost lunchtime….
August 26th, 2003 at 11:27 am
My 40th birthday present to myself was to finally get my masters in Library Science. I’m glad I did, but if anything, I am even more like a hamster in a treadmill now because of all of the directions I can go in now (as well as the lousy job market). Would I do it over? You bet I would. It was a blast — and a kick in the butt at the same time. I made great friends, accomplished more than I ever thought I could, and got to see the big picture of the profession that I had been working in for over 15 years.
I had been thinking about it for years but finally I got so pi**ed off about feeling wasted and held back that I got moving. It sounds like some balance has tipped for you too.
How do you want to use the degree?
August 26th, 2003 at 11:37 am
Hmm. Well, I guess the question to answer is, “Do you feel unfulfilled in your life as it is?”
And if the answer is yes, are there things you wanted to pursue and didn’t? Is there something you’re interested in and could follow a path to become more involved? Just as importantly, is there a personal relationship involved in this somehow and/or is the lack of a relationship part of your overall feeling?
I personally don’t know you well enough to comment on any of this, but you might want to step back for a sec, take a look over the edge before you jump. Is a PHd what you really want, or is it a stepping stone to something else that might leave you in the same quandry 10 years from now? For that matter, where do you want to be in 10 years, and what will get you there?
When you have a decent idea where you want to end up, then it might be easier to determine how to get there.
Just a thought.
August 27th, 2003 at 1:17 am
Dear Molly,
I’m in a somewhat similar situation where my life seems to be going alright but not splendid, and I’m wanting to focus on something bigger, better, grander, more special!
I had several interests when I was young that I could persue and do something with now, like geology or underwear model (Hah!), but reclaiming this now seems a bit … mediocre. I’ve come this far, what can I do now to excel further from here?
My answer at the moment is to drop everything, and start from scratch. I have many small and big plans and ideas, things I want to do and things I want to see, stuff to ponder and friends to visit, and carreer possibilities to explore. But I’ve scratched all that, brought out a white sheet of paper and a pen, and wrote at the top; “What I want to do next”. It helped me a lot, because all those pesky little “how about if…” gets in the way of seeing the path forward.
I’ve decided that using a pen wasn’t good enough; with crayons I get a lot more expression and color in my life. Screw pens.
August 27th, 2003 at 1:35 am
My entirely random advice would be not to go near a doctoral program if it’s only to give yourself a goal. There’s just too much crap to put up with otherwise. You have to really love the academic work and/or subject matter in order to survive.
Maybe rather than reaching for a plan or a goal it’s time just to step back and let things settle for a while. Jung always argued that the purpose of the second half of life was to work on the spiritual aspects of one’s life. And the significant steps in that process have never, ever fallen into a goal list or schedule.
But hey, who am I to give advice? I left the industry in ‘96, completely burned-out and frustrated, and I’m still not completely sure what I want to do when I grow up.
August 27th, 2003 at 3:30 am
Hey mol,
Have you thought of travelling a bit?
I know you haven’t been out of the States much, so why not take a couple of months trip to Italy or New Zealand, relax and see what happens.
If nothing else it would give you time to think, away from the hussle and bussle of every day life.
And if you can’t spare the time because you need to do work, then make it a working holiday - get a laptop, go live in Sardinia for a month and work from your terrace.
I know that many of the problems, or doubts, I have about doing web work come from my isolation. I have lots of friends I talk to on email, msn, or the phone, but sitting at home working all day just doesn’t give me the physical contact I think I need. If my friends lived all around me I’d be much happier.
So, while I can’t afford to move to london and be surrounded by them, I find a trip to visit with people, or a trip to make new friends, always cheers me up and makes me appreciate this work-from-anywhere lifestyle I’ve been blessed with.
Of all the people I know Molly, I think that you’re the one I think would benefit most from somthing like that, I think you’d love it
)
Hey, if you want, my parents are going to New Zealand for a month in February, you’re welcome to come and stay here then and work quietly in the countryside
)
Cheerio - Dunstan
August 27th, 2003 at 7:20 am
I know exactly what you mean. Keeping up with this industry will never give you any time out.
Yes! go get your PHD! Life doesn’t start until your 40
Keep your head up.
August 27th, 2003 at 12:33 pm
Do you want the degree because you’ll enjoy the work and the intellectual environment? Or is this the only semi-acceptable thing that comes to mind when you cast about for ways to get out of a rut? If the latter, please reconsider. Academia becomes stifling when you’re there because you feel like you’ve got nothing better to do. Trust me.
Another question… Whatever happened to your music? There’s nothing like songwriting for a little soul nourishment.
August 28th, 2003 at 5:24 am
Hi Molly,
My suggestion is to follow your intuiton. Whatever decision you make no great harm will come to you.
Life is for enjoying not enduring.
Because it is personal I can say the door of love opens inward, and sex, which is part of the package, is much better than running around in the nudd.
Papa don’t preach by Kelly (what is her name ?) get my feet going you might like it too.
Thanks for the help you have given me, Molly, I use you as my mentor…just wanted you to know that.
These mid life crisis things only last six or seven years or as long as you want to hold on to them.
Cheer up, no one has any real answers anyway, only you. Have a great day !
Brain
August 29th, 2003 at 7:28 am
Follow your heart. Think it through, just don’t think it apart. You’re great at what you start. T
August 31st, 2003 at 12:36 pm
Hi, Molly! It’s nice to see you value the opinions of your circle of friends. Facing the same sort of questions myself, I can relate.
I know we aren’t super close or anything, but it’s clear that you touch many people in positive ways — however you choose to interact with society, that will always be the most important thing you bring to this world.
Sorry, no advice here, just that little observation! Good luck, and hope we do run into each other again soon!
September 2nd, 2003 at 2:58 am
Hey Molly,
If you recall we met and had some great Japanese food at the Vegas 2002 Web Builder.
Funny you should call this installment “Wandering Jewess”. I am going through much the same thing these days, having lost a job I thought I had always wanted (quite the different story now that I see what the other side was like) and I do have to say that amid a lot of my friends (who are in the same mode as you and I for some reason) are considering getting out of the Web altogether, it has become an even more difficult choice to make.
I have come to realize that my time with a non-profit was invigorating to say the least, and challenging to say the most. I find myself wanting a position like that again - where I can make a difference with the two things I care about the most career wise:
1. What the Web will become, which to me is all about learning in one way or another.
2. Advocacy in a way that matters to myself.
A wise Rabbi once said that the mitzvah is the purest expression of being in Judaism, and in this case for me it combines a that sense of learning and that sense of doing which is so important to my life.
The only advice I would offer out of this is seeking those two things. You are tied to the Web in so many ways, and you are essentially a Rabbi yourself in the way you teach it. You’re very, very good at what you do. When you follow that up with a cause that is important to you and the personal rewards will follow.
That is the job I’m seeking next, and probably will always seek. As a Jew I feel I can do no less.
-Jonathan
January 13th, 2004 at 4:54 am
Hello Molly,
We have exchanged emails a few times… I admire your work. You and a few others continue to pave the way for neophytes such as myself.
I am (gulp) 41 years old.
<unrealistic suggestion>
There’s a lot of water on our planet 
Learn how to surf. Go surfing. Often. I learned to surf when I was 15 and ever since… all it takes for me to “get right” and clear out my head is to go surfing. No matter what, you have that just over the horizon on any given day. “I am going surfing… YAY!!!” Learn how to surf and you will forever have a fulfilling outlet that cannot be taken away from you. Things are serenely different “in the water”. Life suddenly evens out. I grew up in Florida and surfed surfed surfed… I live in Washington State and though I freeze my cajones off I still go as often as I can. I snowboard too but surfing is the real “bomb”. Go ahead have a laugh.
</unrealistic suggestion>
Anyone reading this that surfs perhaps can relate…???
Either that or have kids then you won’t have time to wonder what you are missing
other than sleep.
Take care Molly… all in good fun
Jim Summer
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September 8th, 2007 at 9:28 am
Good read, I can’t say I agree with everything you say though.
September 10th, 2007 at 2:44 am
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September 11th, 2007 at 11:06 am
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September 17th, 2007 at 10:00 am
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:44 pm
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:45 pm
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:46 pm
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September 22nd, 2007 at 5:47 pm
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October 1st, 2007 at 12:02 am
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October 2nd, 2007 at 4:34 pm
gee i cant believe you said that!
I would rather go skiingg or snowboarding all day!
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:36 pm
yeah yeah I would rather go snowboarding myself! forget about skiing! lol
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:39 pm
you are just jealous of the goo time we are having dont you?
actually you can do either one skiing or snowboarding because both are fun:)
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:46 pm
PSP wow! thats a great idea peter you mean i can listen to that music while on the slopes…oki i m downloading that PSP music right away , its free downloads??? kidding me right? no!….whoa cool man
October 2nd, 2007 at 4:47 pm
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October 2nd, 2007 at 4:49 pm
tsk tsk I TOLD YOU it was when will you believe me ! lol go for music or games like i said and I will see you on the slopes with it ok? later
October 25th, 2007 at 5:45 pm
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November 27th, 2007 at 6:38 pm
gee i cant believe you said that!
I would rather go skiingg or snowboarding all day!
November 27th, 2007 at 6:39 pm
The only advice I would offer out of this is seeking those two things. You are tied to the Web in so many ways, and you are essentially a Rabbi yourself in the way you teach it. You’re very, very good at what you do. When you follow that up with a cause that is important to you and the personal rewards will follow.
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November 29th, 2007 at 12:47 am
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November 29th, 2007 at 7:38 am
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December 1st, 2007 at 7:29 pm
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January 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
thanks
January 15th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
thx all
January 29th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
thanx
January 31st, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Those who choose to take the “slights and disappointments” path, meanwhile, are very generously compensated for their trouble
February 9th, 2008 at 1:13 pm
I think you better think the Ph.D. idea over very carefully. A Ph.D. is a heck of an achievement to accomplish but it takes 6 years of graduate school on average to get. If you are 40 now, you’ll be 46 by the time you get it. And remember, a Ph.D. is a full time job but with very low pay. That’s 6 years of high end salary voided for a degree. Of course, if money doesn’t matter and you’re only in it for the education and intellect, then it might be for you. The Ph.D. was the most difficult thing I ever did in my life. Mine is in biochemistry.
February 13th, 2008 at 7:39 am
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February 13th, 2008 at 7:40 am
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March 31st, 2008 at 6:00 pm
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April 8th, 2008 at 1:09 pm
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April 8th, 2008 at 6:57 pm
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April 9th, 2008 at 4:23 am
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April 9th, 2008 at 8:51 am
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April 9th, 2008 at 5:43 pm
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April 10th, 2008 at 7:45 am
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April 11th, 2008 at 12:58 pm
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April 21st, 2008 at 4:37 pm
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April 21st, 2008 at 8:45 pm
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April 23rd, 2008 at 6:17 pm
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April 28th, 2008 at 12:40 am
My suggestion is to follow your intuiton. Whatever decision you make no great harm will come to you.Life is for enjoying not enduring.Because it is personal I can say the door of love opens inward, and sex, which is part of the package, is much better than running around in the nudd.
April 28th, 2008 at 12:40 am
i want learn too, i want start at the beginning of css
May 1st, 2008 at 6:39 am
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